Pencil Jokes

Q. What did one artistic colored pencil say to another?
A. Bro, you are lookin' sharp today!
What Gender is the Computer? A language teacher was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. '"House" in French, is feminine - "la maison", while "pencil" in French is masculine - "le crayon."' One puzzled student asked, "What gender is a computer?" The teacher thought it would be a good exercise to have the students decide what they thought the gender should be. So she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. The men's group decided that computer should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because: 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic. 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later review. 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you constantly find yourself spending more money on accessories for it. The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine "le computer") because: 1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on. 2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves. 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem. 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer you could have gotten a better model!
"Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It's made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!"
— Roald Dahl
How do you draw flies?
With a pencil!
I've decided to marry a pencil.
I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B!
Did you hear about the notebook who married a pencil? She finally found Mr. Write.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
Why can't pencils move?
Because they are stationery.
A man showed up for a duel armed only with a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
Did you hear about the constipated engineer? He worked it out with a pencil. It was a natural log.
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
I've fallen in love with a pencil and we're getting married.
I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.
Do you have a pencil? Cause I want to erase your past and write our future.
Failed my art exam by using the wrong pencil.
It wasn't 2b.
I was going to joke about my broken pencil, but it was pointless.
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
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