Why can't tomatoes ever beat lettuce in a race?
Because lettuce is always a head, and tomatoes have to ketchup!
Why are nuns such great sprint runners?
'Cause they're used to being chaste.
Why did the blonde run backward?
She wanted to gain weight.
Who was the fastest runner of all time?
Adam. He was the first in the human race.
What it is it called if you refuse to go running today?
Resistance Training!
hat do you call it when a runner from Moscow starts a race at Red Square that ends in Finland?
Russian to the Finnish.
Why couldn't the garden gnome run in the marathon?
Because he's not part of the human race!
Which athlete wrote the book, Jumping for Exercize?
Lee Ping.
What do runners eat before a big race?
Fast food.
Why was the marathon runner plucked out of the race and taken away to jail?
For resisting a rest.
What do you call it when you've choked on water while jogging every morning this week?
The worst running gag ever.
What did the marathoner do after he won the race?
He decided to go into politics and run for office.
What happens if you run in front of a car?
You get tired.
What do runners do when they forget something?
They jog their memory!
What do you call a guy who can't stop running along the beach?
Joggernaut.
What might folks in Tokyo find between Godzilla's toes?
Slow runners.
Why did the guy decide not to donate a dime to any charity raising funds for a marathon?
Because they just take the money and run.
Why did the vegetarian stop running cross country?
He did not like the meets.
What did his wife give the guy when he came home all sweaty from his run?
The stink eye.
. What do you call it when you heard the same jogger pun earlier, yet laughed again?
A running joke.
What country do marathoners retire to?
Iran.
How do crazy runners go through the forest?
They take the psychopath!
What do you call a free treadmill?
The Great Outdoors.
Why was the criminal dubbed the Beer Runner let go after being arrested for stealing 23 beers?
'Cause the prosecutors didn't have a case.
What does a runner lose after winning the race?
His breath.
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Eyesore.
Eyesore who?
Eyesore from my long run—can we take the elevator?
If ten zombies run after you, what time is it?
Ten after one.
Why wasn't the jogger all that bummed out when his girlfriend broke up with him?
'Cause they had a good run.
A guy walks into the bar.
It's hardly surprising he didn't make the steeplechase team, on reflection.
Why are Scandinavians the fastest runners in the world?
Because they start out near the Finnish line.
Why did the barber win the race?
He took a short cut!
What do you call a married couple who compete in the marathon side-by-side?
Running mates.
What do you get when you run behind a car?
Exhausted!
Two tomatoes went jogging. One trips and falls. The other tomato said, "Grab my Heinz and I'll help you up." Trippy tomato replies, "Nah, you go ahead. I'll ketchup."