I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.