Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!