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You

Hey Steve, do you shower after sex?
Well yes Bob, I do.
Great, can you please get laid more often?
My wife just yells from upstairs and asks "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?"

Sounding concerned, I reply, "No..."

A few seconds of silence, and then she shouts: "How about now?"
How do you make a telephone in the jungle?
With toucans and a piece of string.
Wife: would you get me those two cans from the top shelf?
Me: I don't see any toucans in here.
Have you ever heard of the Poder bird?
It is also known as the Toucan
What birds should you recycle?
Toucans.
The local zoo just started a recycling collection program to support its mission: 'When you bring in one can, you can save Toucans.'
Do you know what kind of stock to use when making neotropical near-passerine bird soup?
Doesnt matter, as long as you put Toucans in.
"How much did you have to drink?"
"About a birds worth."
"What?"
"You know, toucans."
Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
A teacher asks the class to name six mammals that you might find in Africa. One of the pupils replies, “five zebras and a lion”.
A chap sees a zebra sitting on a seat beside him in the cinema eating popcorn. He says “what are you doing here?” The zebra says, “well, I enjoyed the book”.
What do you get if you cross a pelican and zebra? Two streets further away.
A zebra is the safest place to cross the road. Unless you are actually a zebra.
How do you find zebra?
Look under zeshirt.