Nut Jokes

A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
Whatโ€™s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Do you know why itโ€™s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
Whatโ€™s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
I saw a squirrel bury a nut in my backyard today.
I'm going to swap it for a grilled cheese sandwich and blow his mind.
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