In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
How do you save a drowning otter? Take your foot of its head
The plural of mango should be changed to mengo
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
What happens when you cross an iron with a telephone? You get a smooth signal.
What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose? A collie-flower!
If I had a dollar for every time someone said not to look directly at the eclipse...
I'd have enough money to pay for the eye surgery I need.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
You know what they say about a man with big feet... he wears big shoes.
What’s black and white and bounces?
A rubber panda.
My wife got mad at me for playing catch with my son in the backyard
... I didn’t see the big deal until I dropped him.
What do dinosaurs have that no other animals have? Baby Dinosaurs.
“They say that there can never be two snowflakes that are exactly alike, but has anyone checked lately?”
– Terry Pratchett
Wow, Charlotte, your name should definitely be Char-hot.
What’s big and grey and wears a mask?
The elephantom of the opera.
“I like tea and yoga, but I don’t do yoga.” – Moby
A boy ghost thought a girl ghost was cute so he asked if she would be his ghoul-friend.
Roses are red
Violets are cheaper
If I leave silent voicemails
Please don’t call me a creeper.
Hey, baby. I'm calling myself Han because you need to be Solo.
How can you tell that it’s Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?
Because he has sesame seed buns.
An elephant slept in his bunk,
And in slumber his chest rose and sunk.
But he snored — how he snored!
All the other beasts roared,
So his wife tied a knot in his trunk.
Why didn’t the chef slice his cheese?
He had grater plans.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
I'm reading a book called "The Yellow River"
It's written by I.P. Freely
The thirty-three thieves thought that they thrilled the throne throughout Thursday.
What is the best period of a bee's relationship?
The honeymoon.
I like you, you croc my world.
What is the difference between a ball hog and time?
Time passes.
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
God gave us two ears, two eyes, two legs and two hands, but he only gave us one heart, and he wanted me to find you and tell you, you are the second one.
What mouse was a Roman emperor? Julius Cheeser!
I’m currently reading a book on anti-gravity and it’s impossible to put it down.
You’re my pot of gold.
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
Do you like yoga? Because yoganna love what I can offer you.
What's the opposite of urine?
I'm out.
"Whoever says friendship is easy has obviously never had a true friend!"
— Bronwyn Polson
My friend impresses girls by drawing realistic pictures of trucks. He's a pickup artist!
Babe, your eyes are bluer than the ocean Columbus sailed… and I’m lost at sea.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
Want to go shopping? Today only there's a special deal: 30% off on my heart!
I started watching soccer because I could see it’s very relevant to my life.
Little to no goals.
“I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.”
Damien Fahey
What did the squirrel say to its baby before it had to leave?
I'm gonna go out on a limb here.
Go to BabaMail
