I used to live in in Aragon, in Spain.
Then I left.
I'm Aragone.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
Are you from Starbucks because I like you a latte!
What do time and space have in common with family?
It's all relative.
Where did the Terminator find extra olive oil??
Aisle B, back.
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
A friend of mine has a mobile phone shaped like an Italian dumpling. It's a gnocchia.
I was dating a keyboard but we had to break up...
...she just wasn't my type.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
Can birds sell cereal to children?
I don't know if one can, but toucan.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
Even my new stainless steel cookware set isn't as slick as you.
Just like I never play with poop, I promise you that I will never play with your heart.
I’m in pursuit of hoppiness.
Damn girl, I must be an elephant. Because I'd never forget you.
The wolf really needed to talk with the skeleton because he had a bone to pick with him.
The easiest way to know that you are eating a bowl of rabbit soup is to take a look inside and find a hare in it.
Due to covid most exotic dancers have been furloughed.
Basically, they’ve been stripped of their source of income.
My wife and were on the sofa and I lean in for a cuddle.
She says: "careful I'm holding a tea!"
And I say: "and I'm holding you, so I guess we're both holding letters of the alphabet"
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
You had to use rennet to curdle the milk for making Ricotta, not lemon juice!
This is not the right whey.
What do you call two kangaroos who live together?
Roo-mates.
You’re like a pair of goggles; without you, everything’s a blur.
There was an Old Person of Dean,
Who dined on one pea and one bean;
For he said,
"More than that would make me too fat,"
That cautious Old Person of Dean.
Are you into hockey? That's great because I'd like to score.
Gas rig men grilled by villagers - The Oxford Times
Did you hear about the panda that had a slight stutter?
Seems it’s a story that bears repeating.
Why did the bus driver laugh? He was having a 'wheely' good time!
Green is the most relaxed color in the rainbow, it's so jade back.
What did the wife mushroom say to her husband?
“You’re a fungi!”
Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race?
It ended in a tie.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
"Laughing 'til I'm coffin."
Conductor on a train: “But sir, you cannot travel with this! This is a child’s ticket! You’re at least 19 years old!”
Me: "That's how long your delay was."
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
A student had a heart attack when she saw the grade on her exam
She passed.
I bet you sound like a Tasmanian Devil in bed.
I'd let you Chataranga over me any day!
From the moment I saw you, I knew I would be spending the rest of my life trying to avoid you.
Why do girl ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
My grandma is 80% Irish.
People call her Iris.
My friend said, "I bought a parrot for my son that has red and blue feathers."
I said, "Your son must look very strange."
If some of Fred Flintstone's neurotransmitters could talk, what would they say?
"Gaba-Daba-Do!"
"Ignorance is a form of environmental pollution."
Anonymous
Where can you read about planets exploding?
In the orbituaries.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Baby, you’re like a student and I am like a math book, you solve all my problems.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
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