Do you like yoga? Because I could downward dog you all night.
I always have a souper time with you.
What do you get when you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A bunny ribbit.
Why did the orange become juice?
It couldn't handle the pressure.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease
We're called "Gluten for Punishment."
I'm planning on making an application that randomly closes the video game you are playing and opens a different one.
It's going to be a game changer.
What do you call a goat that acts immaturely?
A silly billy.
Are you a card?
We're perfectly suited for each other
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
What did the tuna say to her overzealous partner?
I think we need to scale things back here.
In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.
What are the cat police called? The claw Enforcement.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice
It was cold hard cash.
"I’m staying home today. I have mood poisoning."
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
A recent finding by statisticians shows the average human has one breast and one testicle.
The world’s population is split sort of evenly between men and women, making the average human part male, part female, and a complete pain to shop for.
No matter how kind you are...
German children are kinder.
“This is the mondayest Monday that ever mondayed.”
Do you know why the game is called golf? Because all the other four letter words were taken.
What do you call hell for potheads?
Canabyss.
“Let a man walk ten miles steadily on a hot summer’s day along a dusty English road, and he will soon discover why beer was invented.”
- Gilbert K. Chesterton
Are you made of beryllium, gold, and titanium? Because you are BeAuTi-ful.
My sister asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”
I said maybe.
Cycle with me? I feel like I’m on a whole other gear when I’m with you!
What did the duck eat for lunch? Soup and Quackers.
“If there is a WILL, there are 500 relatives.” – Anonymous
What does a Saudi bee call its bros?
Habibees.
What did the mom say to her kitten when she caught him slouching? Paw attention to your paw-sture!
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
Your smile must be a black hole. Nothing can escape its pull.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Pardon me if I’m being pool-itically incorrect.
What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy.
My wife's been on a banana diet.
She hasn't lost any weight, but you should see her climb trees now!
Why are cats bad at telling stories? Because they only have one tail!
What do you call a pickle doctor?
A dill pusher.
“A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.” — William C. Feather
Who is the most famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
Got plans for leftovers, yet?
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
Do you want to cosine on a mortgage with me?
“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” – Groucho Marx
“My nickname is ‘Mom’, but my full name is ‘Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom’.”
Unknown
What do chickens call school tests?
Eggs-aminations.
The paddy don’t start till I walk in.
Why do ice cream cones make such good journalists?
They always get a scoop.
Can I buy you an Easter Egg?
Go to BabaMail
