What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to answer the door?
"Eggs love you."
Why did the reindeer cross the road?
Because he was tied to a chicken!
A young schoolgirl named Rose,
Is rather ashamed of her nose.
She distracts people's stares,
With the mice that she wears,
Hanging down from her clothes.
Love at frost sight!
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Girl: Your ex is so attractive
Boy: Which one?
Girl: ME. Goodbye.
A fly feels a bug on it's back. "Hey bug on my back, are you a mite?"
"I mite be !!" giggles the mite.
"That's the worst pun I've ever heard" groans the fly.
"What do you expect?" says the mite. "I came up with it on the fly. "
No one likes eating outside in the winter.
It’s frost come, frost served.
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
"You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…"
What do cherries say to their best friends? You are cherrific!
Me: I just burned 2000 calories in 20 minutes.
Friend: How?
Me: I forgot to take my brownies out of the oven.
There’s only one thing I want to change about you, and that’s your last name.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
“If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?”
- Will Rogers
Whats green and can jump a mile a minute?
A frog with hiccups.
A recent finding by statisticians found that the average human has one breast and one testicle.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy
Let’s commit the perfect crime together.
I’ll steal your heart and you can steal mine.
Have you heard about Amazon’s plan to make intercontinental shipments using electric submarine drones?
They’re projecting a large increase in e-fish-in-sea.
“Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
Girl, your really good at this catch and release thing. Every time I catch my breath around you, you make me lose it again.
A man who plays golf to forget about work will soon go to work to forget about golf.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone
There’s so much to do here so I’m never Bordeaux-ed.
What did the chicken do when his shop caught on fire?
He egg-xited..
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus.
Where do llamas go on vacation?
Alpacapuco.
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
How many times do I have to walk around you to make you fall for me?
What do they say when you leave the cheese store?
Have a gouda day!
If you are preparing jacket potatoes, your choice vegetables should be button mushrooms.
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
Why did the worm leave the Apple?
Because Noah said to travel in pairs
What car make did the Apostles drive?
Honda… because the apostles were all in one Accord.
Two blonds were driving down the road.
The blond driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working.
So the blond looks out the window and says, "Yes. No. Yes. No."
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
“Nurse: handing me a newborn You got this? Me: Sometimes I have to dig through the trash to re-read the instructions for mac ‘n’ cheese” – @mommy_cusses
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
I must have a neurodegenerative disease because I’ve forgotten your number, cutie.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
Go to BabaMail
