This hottie has forever changed the film industry, and it starts with the letter P and ends with 'orn'. Reel your mind back in - we're talking popcorn!
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
Why shouldn't you shop at the Banana Republic? Because the employees look like a bunch of dicks.
They say marriage is like a workshop. Where the man works and the women shops.
“Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.”
- William Galvin.
"Check, mate."
"Checkmate."
"Hey! Can I get the check, mate?!?"
What do you call a joke that isn’t funny? A sentence.
Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.
I see you driving
Round town with the girl I love
and I’m like Haiku.
Hey babe, I want tibia your Valentine!
"Yoga class helps me calm down from the agonizing stress of trying to get to yoga class on time."
– Sadhguru
Are you going to a beauty contest? Because you are looking damn beautiful.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
I went to an art gallery and noticed that all the info was also available in braille.
Nice touch.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
"I need to re-wine my life."
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
Where are sharks from?
Finland!
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
In my village, there is a farmer who takes his cows to refill their food at the grass station.
Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?
They’re always a little short.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
What did they baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop corn?
Why shouldn't you be too inquisitive with a cherry? Ask no questions tell no pies.
Our lobster neighbors never give us gifts during the holidays!
They’re so shellfish.
France – it’s just a oui bit different!
I stumbled upon people arguing about trains in my town.
I told them, what’s the lo-commotion?
Why did the ghost go to the big Labor Day sale? He’s a bargain haunter.
I tried to have a conversation with my wife when she was applying a mud pack.
You should have seen the filthy look she gave me.
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
Are you from Starbucks because I like you a latte!
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
I squeezed a lemon on my wife's lap two hours ago...
She's been a sourpuss about it ever since.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
2 flies are playing soccer on a plate.
One says to the other "you'd better pick up your game Louie, we're playing in the cup tomorrow".
Celery, raw,
Develops the jaw,
But celery, stewed,
Is more quietly chewed.
(Ogden Nash)
Are you Messi? 'Cause you look ike you'd never miss
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
Let’s list the froze and cons.
My love for you simply radiates.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
There was an Old Man of Kilkenny,
Who never had more than a penny;
He spent all that money,
In onions and honey,
That wayward Old Man of Kilkenny.
Why does nobody invite Jupiter to the space parties? Because he has too much gas, always…
Why was the skeleton so lonely?
He had no body.
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
I’ve always wanted to be a farmer’s wife.
Go to BabaMail
