Brianna-st, on a scale of 1-10, how perfect was that pun?
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.
Take off your shirt, I want to be closer to your heart.
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
A ghost's favourite pie flavour is boo-berry.
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
What did the pun mom say to the new pun dad?
We have a pun in the oven!
“Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.” – Sam Ewing
Why did Dracula take cold medicine in winter? To stop his coffin.
Can I buy you an Easter Egg?
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Which Habs great once worked as a janitor? Broom-Broom Geoffrion.
What did the gorilla say after spending one month at te gym?
Geez, gain a little muscle mass, and everybody acuses you of steroids. As if eating too many bananas wasn't dopey enough!
"It isn't good to keep things bottled up."
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Fangs
Fangs who?
Fangs for letting me in!
Why did Saint Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland?
They were causing mass hiss-teria!
They say March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb. Ewe might say it leaves sheepishly.
Are you a brand new racing suit? Because you make me forget how to breathe.
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
What do turtles do when one of them has a birthday?
They have a shell-ebration.
What do you call two worms in love?
Soilmates.
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
Are you a tenor? Cuz you're the only ten I hear
Are you hypokalemia? Because you make me feel weak at the knees.
What’s black and white and goes round and round?
A panda stuck in a revolving door.
What's the difference between a BMW and a Cactus?
Pricks are on the outside of Cactuses.
What do you call Dragon with no silver?
A dron.
---
You think dinosaurs are scary?
Imagine dragons!
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
Why is it better to smell roses and lemons than a pile of poop?
It’s just plain common scents.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
That was thaw-some!
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.
"Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted."
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
Autumn has given me some of my best memories. I am forever grate-fall for it.
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
Changed all my passwords to Kenny.
Now all I have are Kenny Loggins.
Why didnt the moon have any more to eat.
Becuase it was full
“What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes.”
If I were Columbus, I would sail day and night to reach the depths of your heart.
Purple paper people, purple paper people, purple paper people.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
Do fish go on vacation?
No, because they’re always in school!
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
Go to BabaMail
