What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
"I’m so hot that I contribute to global warming."
Girl, let me take you home and show you my advanced statistic.
A female sheep and a couple of aggressive birds are sitting on the veranda. What language do they speak?
Porchewegeese.
What do they call Bigfoot in Europe?
Bigmeter.
I am a mean green machine.
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
Where do bats like to relax?
In the bat-tub.
Q. How do you describe the inate behavior of a new mother deer?
A. Doe-ting
Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?
Pulp Friction.
Five fuzzy French frogs Frolicked through the fields in France.
When I see you I get a Dirty, Dirty Feeling so Don't Be Cruel and be my Earth Angel
A good workman doesn't blame his fools
\*tools.
Stupid keyboard.
What do you call ten arctic hares hopping backward through the snow?
A receding hare line.
If kisses were snowflakes, I'd send you a blizzard.
Apples are red. Grapes are blue. Pineapples are sweet. And so are you.
How do you make holy water?
Make sure to boil the hell out of it.
What is a corn's favorite song?
Corn fields forever.
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
A boy ghost thought a girl ghost was cute so he asked if she would be his ghoul-friend.
A blonde walked into the dentist office and sat down in a chair.
The dentist said "Open Wide" "I can't" The blonde said. "This chair has arms"
What do you call a giant that's good at football?
Goaliath.
"I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food."
– Erma Bombeck
A scarecrow's favorite fruit to eat is straw-berry.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
You’re the batteries to my flashlight.
Our lobster neighbors never give us gifts during the holidays!
They’re so shellfish.
Serve up some Dad Jokes at your Father's Day BBQ
Make 'em eat Pop-Corn
What do you get when you cross a snake and a frog?
A jump rope.
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
A loyal warrior will rarely worry why we rule.
What do you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman? A dead ringer.
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
“Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” — Rita Rudner
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
Copernicus was wrong, you are the center of my universe.
What was wrong with the deer’s smile?
He had buck teeth.
Football pitches are almost always so wet. This is because soccer players dribble a lot.
We failed to find the dog's bone because the owner berried it.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
What holds the moon up?
Moonbeams!
“How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.”
Emo Philips
What is it called when a skeleton lawyer works for free!
Pro Bone-O.
A mosquito cried out in great pain,
"A chemist has poisoned my brain!"
And the cause of his sorrow
Was para-dichloro-
Diphenyl-trichloroethane.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an alien?
A Mars-upial.
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