The feeling you get when you think you have heard these cow puns before is known as deja-mooo.
Be-leaf me, you look great in green.
Which type of whale can fly?
Pilot whales.
What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown!
What’s the difference between a gross bus stop and a crab with large breasts?
One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
That’s a beautiful dog. Does she have a phone number?
"Okay, we’re all like 90% happy and 10% sunburnt."
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
Hey girl! Let me orbit around you.
As I put the car in reverse, I thought to myself:
"This really takes me back".
What do you call the worlds tallest mosquito?
Himalarya.
It’s so cold that even the polar bears started drinking hot chocolate.
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo.
What holds the moon up?
Moonbeams!
Why do poets always write about the sea?
They just can’t fathom her depths.
What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window?
Snow and Tell
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap?
Because it was on shale.
What do men and mascara have in common? They both run at the first sign of emotion.
What's green and pecks on trees?
Woody Wood Pickle.
A guy walks into a bar carrying a pair of jumper cables and sets them down on the bar.
The bartender said: "Now don't you start anything!"
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
Twinkle twinkle little star,
Point me to the nearest bar.
What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”
Nice asteroids.
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Why was the little bear so spoiled?
Because its mother panda’d to its every whim!
What did one pig say to the other?
Let’s be pen pals.
Good gourd, pumpkin spice latte season is officially here.
Why don't matches play baseball?
Because one strike, and they're out.
The anti-vax basketball team lost every game this season
Apparently they never take any shots.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
There once was a girl named Sam
Who did not eat roast beef and ham
She ate a green apple
Then drank some Snapple
Some say she eats like a lamb.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains
Doctor: Pull yourself together
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Luke.
Luke who?
Luke through the the peep hole and find out.
Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
Wanna go explore some celestial bodies together?
“Watch out! The road curves ahead” cried the skeleton.
“It’s spine“ replied the driver.
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
How did the horse get up the stairs?
He mounted them.
“When life gives you mountains, put those boots and start hiking.”
Q. Why did the gorilla cross the road?
A. To get to the monkey biz on the other side.
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
Did you hear about the psychic hermit crab?
Makes shell-fulfilling prophecies.
My neighbor came over to say,
Although not in a neighborly way,
That he'd knock me around,
If I didn't stop the sound,
Of the classical music I play.
What's green and dangerous?
A frog with a hand-grenade.
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