I think there’s something wrong with my eye. I can’t take them off of you.
I know my shot was in. But I won’t argue, because I’m not up for the challenge.
My brother, who is an IT guy, got surgery done on his fingers. Now he can truly be called a tech-knuckle support guy.
Hey Baby, wanna find out why they call me Pumpkin-Head?
"The easiest time to fall asleep is just after turning off the alarm clock."
– Unknown
What is a skeleton’s favorite type of film to watch?
A spine-tingler.
My love
I have gotten to know you so very well
I’ve even noticed when you start to smell
You share almost everything with me
When we gossip, you say “spill the tea”
You have become my best friend
That is no lie
We can giggle together
We laugh till we cry
Even when you can be a little gross
You are the man I love the most.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
You know the more I drink, the prettier you get!
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
People ask me if I wake up grumpy in the morning.
No, I say. I just bring him some coffee.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener
"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on."
- Maxwell Maltz
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
Oof – is the Erin here really fresh or is that just you?
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a poison frog?
A croakadile.
Can you teach me how to use this machine?
What did Delaware? a New Jersey
Fame changes a lot of things, but it can't change a light bulb.
Gilda Radner
Adolescence: A stage between infancy and adultery
Kevin Goldstein-Jackson
Why do Norwegians build their own tables?
No Ikea!
The next door beaver couple got arrested for illegal streaming.
What do llamas do when they eat outside together?
They have an alpacanic.
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
I’m not being obtuse, you are acute girl.
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
Would you sit on my feet while I do push ups?
Hey Caleb, I think I leb you already.
Hey, I think I could rock your world if you Dave me a chance…
The ocean doesn't like to say hello, it just waves.
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
What did the fruit bowl say when it saw Santa Claus come down the chimney? We wish you a cherry Christmas!
I didn't know snow angels could fly as pretty as you skiing.
How does lettuce listen to music?
Headphones.
Why do snowmen always get injured when playing sports?
Because they refuse to warm up!
My love for you is like diarrhea. I can't hold it in.
"The safe way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket." ~ Kin Hubbard
“Gardening. Cheaper than therapy (until your spouse adds up the receipts).”
— Anonymous
What did the horse reply when asked if it would try water polo?
“I would dapple.”
How much caramel can a canny canonball cram in a camel if a canny canonball can cram caramel in a camel?
I’ve never experienced having my dream come true, until the day I met you.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
I always find artists romantic because when they love you, they do it with all their art.
I find my core strength in you.
If I said you had a gorgeous shell would you hold it against me?
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
I just wanted to make sure my mom woke up with a big smile on her face.
Now i'm not allowed to play with sharpies anymore.
The last four letters of 'queue' are not silent
They're just waiting their turn.
Go to BabaMail
