What did one Emperor Penguin say to the other?
Nothing, he just gave him the cold shoulder.
Did you hear about the owl who married a goat?
The had a hootenanny.
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
What do you call a 100 year old ant?
An ant-ique.
What did the trumpet pharaoh do when his girlfriend told him to pull out?
Toot and come in.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
If you think chewbaccas hairy just wait till you see my wookie.
What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.
Why is the fireman buried on the top of the hill?
Because he is dead.
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy.
Why couldn't the troll catch any fish?
Because other people took the bait.
Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"
How do you catch a unique tiger?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame tiger?
Tame way.
You have me greening from ear to ear.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
My attitude isn't bad.
It's in beta phase.
It’s so hot fire ants are really on fire.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
“A party without a cake is really just a meeting.”
― Julia Child
"Beat it." — Michael Jackson, "Beat It"
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
What do you call a Belgian who's bad at grammar?
An twerp.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
"Gardening requires lots of water - most of it in the form of perspiration."
- Lou Erickson
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Butter
Butter who?
Butter be quick, I have to go to the bathroom!
If you notice this notice,
you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing.
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
Love is blind.
Marrying a man, on the other hand, is a real eye opener.
Did you hear about the injured vegetable? Some say he got beet.
Children with only a mother make horrible programmers
Theres always missing parent.
You know, your smile has been lighting up the room all night, and I just had to come and say hello.
Why do accountants make good lovers?
They're great with figures.
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
An arrogant gazelle walks up to a bunch of lions and tells them how much better he is than them.
He was consumed by pride.
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up.
Honey if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put the letters "DON'T LOVE" in between I and U
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
Just like a blue supergiant star, you’re exceedingly hot and extremely bright.
You know what they say? Words.
What do you call a mosquito sitting on your spouse’s cheek?
A golden opportunity.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you don't let me in!
Violinist Caught following a String of Robberies.
You brighten up my day just like the anti-fog spray for my goggles.
Q: Why couldn’t the orange believe that her friend had let her down?
A: This was because citrus-ted him!
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