You're the only sight I want to see today.
"What did Frankenstein's monster say to his girlfriend?"
"Will you be my Valenstein?"
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
Little Johnny's teacher said,
"Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's."
"Did you copy hers?" she asked.
Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
If you are going to sleep, I wish you suite dreams.
What do penguins drink during the summer?
Iced tea.
Are you from a fairytale? Your beauty is magical
What squeaks as it solves crimes?
Miami mice!
I'd marry your cat just to get in the family.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle?
“An Orange County Chopper.”
My favorite music is by Spandau Croc-quet.
Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges? He’s the Easter Bungee!
Where do robots go for fun?
The circuits.
Your name must be Summer because you are hot.
I visited a coffee shop where the Wifi password was wedonthavewifi.
It was a very frustrating conversation with the cashier.
"Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We're supposed to be exercising."
— Meg Cabot
Your phone is nice, but it would be even nicer if it had my name on your contact list.
How does white chocolate turn into dark chocolate?
Turn off the lights.
Where does a penguin keep its money?
In a snow bank.
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
How do you upset a dinosaur? Touchasaurus Spot.
I was arrested at the airport. Just because I was greeting my cousin Jack!
All that I said was "Hi Jack", but very loud.
Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Samson. He brought the house down.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Why did the nose cross the road?
Because he was tired of getting picked on.
I told my friend that our old school friend is coming to attend St Patrick's feast. She was surprised. She asked, "O'Reilly?"
What’s a pizza maker’s favorite song?
Slice, Slice Baby
What do you call an insect that can’t drink milk?
Lactose intoler-ant.
“Yoga is 99% waste removal” — T.K.V Desikachar
What do you do if a rabbit keeps pooping in your yard? Take him to a pellet court.
What do sloths make when it snows? Slow Angels.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
But I wouldn’t know,
I don’t get them from you.
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
What did the arrogant pickle say?
I'm kind of a big dill.
I asked my Chinese friend what it's like living in China
He says he can't complain.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
"A Knotty Problem"
A scarf for a giraffe
Would be forty feet long
But how would a giraffe
Know how to put one on?
– Patrick Winstanley
Back in 1980, I fell off my bike, twisted my foot, and hurt my knee. I’m telling you this now because there was no social media in the ‘80s.
How do you know the tooth fairy is a journalist?
They're always searching for the tooth.
It’s so hot that farmers are feeding ice to the chickens so they won’t lay boiled eggs.
A wife send her husband an sms on a cold winter evening: "Windows frozen".
The husband send answer back: "Pour some warm water over them".
Some time later husband receives answer from his wife: "Nice going. The computer is completely screwed now."
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
I don't normally like girls who wear red coats. But, for you I'll make an exception.
What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean? Nothing, oceans don't talk they just wave!
Did you know Karl Marx's sister invented the starting pistol?
Her name was Onya Marx.
Go to BabaMail
