What do you get when you cross an alligator and a crocodile.
A funeral.
Why did the tectonic plates break up? It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
"I intend to live forever, or die trying."
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
Why did the hunter miss his mark?
He was not aiming deerectly for it.
There’s an old oak near my house that’s always surrounded by fog.
I don’t know why, it’s a mist tree.
Dad: “Son, your mother and I are thinking about moving to a square island.”
Son: “Wow really? Can I come too?”
Dad: “Four shore!”
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
Pies aren't the new cupcakes, baby. You are.
Why couldn’t the dragon eat his birthday cake?
He destroyed it while trying to blow out the candles.
Why did the artist use the bathroom? Because she was consta-painted.
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
Koi fish always travel in a groups of four
Because the predator will go after the D koi
What does a Greek God say when they answer the phone?
"Whodisious?"
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
Where do players hide their marijuana?
Between the stash marks.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
There's this movie I wanted to see and my mom said I couldn't go by myself...
I don't think you can diagnose me because there's no treatment for being madly in love.
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
I was talking to my friend and he asked me, “As a young boy was your mom strict with you?” I told him, “To be honest,...
“...my mother was never a young boy.”
I've already heard seven cancer puns today.
If I hear tumor it's gonna benign.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate? A Kitty Kat bar!
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
A little old lady.
A little old lady who?
I didn’t know you could yodel.
It’s so hot even my wife’s heart is melting.
Why shouldn't you hire a volleyball player to be your bartender?
The service may be excellent, but he'll try to spike all the drinks.
What do you drive in a river? An otter-mobile.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.
"I’m too busy working on my own grass to notice if yours is greener."
A group of crows is usually called a 'murder.' Technically, it's only a manslaughter unless there is probable caws.
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
Aren’t you supposed to be on top of that tree? Because you’re a star.
You smell. We should go take a shower together.
When I went to highschool in Italy my classmates were one year older than me.
I Skipped pasta grade.
I’m going to start a YouTube channel where I critique bottled water...
It’s an untapped market.
How do you measure a mosquito’s harddrive?
With bug bytes.
No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says. He is always convinced that it says what he means. -- George Bernard Shaw
You’re such an adventure, let me explore you.
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
You sweep me off my feet!
I am a jogger, but date me and I will never run away from you.
Here’s my number. Send me a text when you’re ready to fall in love with me.
“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?”
– Albert Einstein
Where do parrots get away on holiday? To the beak!
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
What did the husband say when his wife told him he bought the wrong flowers?
"Oopsie daisy!"
When a man went to the doctor to get rid of the strawberry that was growing out of his head, the doctor told him, "Don't worry. I'll give you some cream for that".
Go to BabaMail
