It’s so hot that my chocolate milk is now hot cocoa.
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"Yea but that would make no sense." replied the dog.
Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?
He wanted to eat some chicken.
What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A dino-saw. Who makes the best prehistoric reptile clothes ? A dino-sewer.
My son asked me, what’s a Greek urn?
I said, “about 20 drachmas a day.”
I'm training to be an anesthetist, so I asked the head surgeon "Can I practice on my self first?"
He said "Sure, knock yourself out!"
What is a cannibal's favourite cheese? Limburger
On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight?
What do crows take for their gut issues? crow-biotics.
What kind of ice cream to electricians eat?
Shock a lot.
"Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?"
Her: "Buffalo meat is delicious. What are they made of? Beef?"
Me: "No... They're made of buff."
What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
Vampires are not even real. Unless you Count Dracula.
What do you call it when a Crocodile becomes an Elvis Impersonator?
Crocabilly
It’s so hot the trees are whistling for the dogs.
Will you be the sun in my life? Then stay millions of miles away from me.
I think this has been said somewhere else.
Cows that travel alone?
Never herd of them!
Why aren’t skeletons good at poker?
You can see right through them.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
There was an Old Man of Leghorn,
The smallest that ever was born;
But quickly snapped up he
Was once by a puppy,
Who devoured that Old Man of Leghorn.
What sport does a cat play? Hairball!
It’s so hot that I’m using Celsius instead of Fahrenheit just to have a lower number.
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
Are you tired? Because you've been running through my mind all day with a frisbee in your mouth.
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
“Monday should be optional.”
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
Q: What’s the fastest way to make a skeleton?
A: Put a leper in a wind tunnel
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
What do vampire bats call their friends?
Blood brothers.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
The Christmas alphabet has noel.
Are you a pharmacist? Because I am a patient and I heard you are patient lovers.
Why is the ocean always blue?
Because the shore never waves back.
A dog walks into a bar and is promptly escorted out, as animals are not allowed.
Why did the teacher tell Jamie she was wearing too much makeup? Because she was wearing too much makeup.
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror.
Our game is as tight as our spandex. This would be an awesome team motto.
What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside? A banana dressed up as a cucumber !
There are 21 letters in the alphabet right? Oh wait, I forgot u, r, a, q, t.
Q. What did the doe say to the louse on her new baby fawn?
A. Gosh deer nit!
- Hey, graduate student Minotaur, what are you up to today?
- Not much, just working on my Theseus.
Baby, you've bought yourself a cruise on the Love Boat. I'll be your captain.
“Women prefer men who have something tender about them – especially the legal kind." ~Kay Ingram
Why are Me and China alike?
We both like to delete our history.
Go to BabaMail
