Never talk to me about fashion
It just goes in one year and out the other
The computer had to visit the dentist at the very earliest opportunity as it had a BlueTooth!
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
It’s so cold that when we baked the frozen pizza in the oven for 25 minutes, it was still frozen.
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why is there only one?
Where did the mermaid go on a date?
She was catching a movie at the dive-in.
What’s the difference between a knife and an argumentative man?
A knife has a point.
Did you hear about the secret guild of bakers? They say that they only trade recipes on a knead to know basis.
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
I sure hope you know set theory, ’cause I wanna intersect and union with you.
What does a mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra, naturally.
Why do tigers always hunt and eat their prey raw?
Because they don’t know how to cook it.
What do prison tennis matches and strawberry jam have in common?
Cons-serve
I saved a tiny baby crow and now he won't leave, I guess you could say he's mi-cro.
What did the baby goat say to his father?
I kid you not.
What do you call the people that you eat grass and produce milk alongside?
Cow-workers!
Why did Billy make a bunch of snowmen to be his friends?
Because he wanted to hang with the cool kids!
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
A classically trainer theater performer just became a spy.
I guess you could say they perform... thespionage
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can you do the same?
I just want to take you out to brunch and shower you with quiches.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Will you remember me in a minute?
Yes.
Will you remember me in a week?
Yes.
Will you remember me in a year?
Yes.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
You didn’t remember me!
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Where do bulls get their messages? On a bull-etin board.
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
What do you call a cow that plays the violin?
Moozart.
What's the difference between a strawberry and a Tyrannosaurus? The strawberry is red!
If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I’d have $ 6.30 now.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
How do mice celebrate when they move home? With a mouse warming party!
Are you my phone charger? Because without you, I’d die
Sorry if this is extra cheesy, but you have a pizza my heart.
My love for you is so strong it can’t be dialyzed.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
My mom told me it would be good for my self-esteem if I asked out people who aren't conventionally attractive.
What made the dinosaur's car stop ? A flat Tire-annosaurus!
John, look me in the eyes. All of my life I needed a strong, good looking, confident man and you
are the one who can help me find someone like that.
Are you made of fluorine, iodine, and neon? ‘Cause you are F-I-Ne.
There was an Old Man of the North,
Who fell into a basin of broth;
But a laudable cook,
Fished him out with a hook,
Which saved that Old Man of the North.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
What do you call a baby potato? Tater tots!
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
Go to BabaMail
