Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head? Because from a distance they looked like hares!
Even during thunderstorms, Santa can still deliver presents because raindeers fly his sleigh.
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
Has the abominable snowman called?
Not Yeti.
Are you from the U.K.? Because I want U, K?
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
What do you call Batman when he is injured?
Bruised Wayne.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance? The bunny hop.
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
What happened when a bat misbehaved in night school?
She got suspended.
Why do stoner tourists spend so much money while on a skiing holiday at Aspen?
Because they're high rollers!
Why can’t Micheal J Fox draw a perfect circle?
Because he hasn't been trained as an artist.
Are you a keyboard ? Because you are my type.
Are you made of beryllium, gold, and titanium? Because you are BeAuTi-ful.
Why did the blonde volleyball player end up getting fired from her waitressing job? Someone said she needed to serve the food.
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
Not to brag, but I already have a date for Valentines Day.
February 14th.
What fruit loves chocolate?
A cocoa nut.
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
Lesser leather never weathered wetter weather better
I was really surprised when I learned that singer Pink's favorite color was actually green. No one could have i-magenta-it.
Is your name Summer? It has to be, because you're hot!
“I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.” — Homer Simpson
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What do cows do when they’re introduced?
They give each other a milk shake.
“Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.” - Steven Wright
---
“Hiking—much like drinking—is something that sounds more fun to the uninitiated than it actually is.” – Mindy McGinnis
"I can rise and shine, just not at the same time."
– Unknown
If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?
What's the difference between a colorful women's garment and a famous live music venue?
One's a house of blues, the other's a blouse of hues.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
"Drive slow and enjoy the scenery - drive fast and join the scenery."
- Douglas Horton
What do you call an old person with really good hearing?
Deaf defying.
"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
In my village, there is a farmer who takes his cows to refill their food at the grass station.
I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".
You snow the drill.
According to the second law of thermodynamics, you’re supposed to share your hotness with me.
Wow, seeing you today Ezra-lly a treat!
I'd marry your cat just to get in the family.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
French, French Revolution
“You know you’re a gardener when you’re happy to devote three months of your life growing tomatoes to save $1.27.”
— Anonymous
The coddled superstar sat in the seats with the fans instead of on the bench
with the team; for this, ironically enough, he was accused of grandstanding!
What do you call an emergency in the spring?
May day.
"Is that cannon fire, or is it my heart pounding?"
- Ingrid Bergman, Casablanca (1942)
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
“When there’s snow on the ground L like to pretend I'm walking on clouds.”
What made the truck driver finally stop farting?
He ran out of gas.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Go to BabaMail
