I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
I would talk about Valentine’s Day
But it looks like I missed my date.
Where do you smart hot dogs go?… On the honor role.
Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
Can I have your number so I can call when I need a ride to your heart?
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
Why is the 7 key on the keyboard so afraid?
Because the & is near
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
Can you give me directions to your heart? I've seemed to have lost myself in your eyes.
What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.
If you ever own a koala as a pet, make sure you can keep track of it by putting a koalar around its neck.
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
A recent finding by statisticians shows the average human has one breast and one testicle.
The world’s population is split sort of evenly between men and women, making the average human part male, part female, and a complete pain to shop for.
You're as intoxicating as a home distilled liquor.
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
Where do criminal unicorns sentenced to death go? They go on corn row.
How Rudolf you to say that!
I'm debating whether I should cross the river on foot or use my rowboat...
It's row v. wade.
What’s the only type of melon that changes colours at will? Well, a chamelon.
“A mistle-toast to the holiday season.”
Why don’t we use some Fourier analysis on our relationship and reduce to a series of simple periodic functions?
The reason the cow wore a bell around her neck was because her horn didn’t work anymore.
Did you hear about the artist's really messy house? He said it was 'a work in progress'.
What is fire to a pyromaniac?
Just a warm-up.
You warm my heart more than the salted caramel hot chocolate on a cold winter day.
How does a shark greet a fish?
Pleased to eat you.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
Why was the beaver not arrested when he jumped into the Nile? Because he was a juve'nile.
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd!
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
Why did Benjamin get sick after eating too much ice cream? He was lactose intolerant.
Are you religious? Because you’re the answer to my prayers.
A truck full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
“If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
— Winston Churchill
You have been running through my mind all day.
What do you call an emergency in the spring?
May day.
When the bread started crying because it was toast, the loaf told him, "You deserve butter."
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
Vasco de Balboa told the Queen of Spain, “I discovered a large body of water on my journey.”
She said, “Could you be a little more pacific?”
Stolen Prosthetic Arm Discovered in a Secondhand Shop.
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
Why was the glow worm unhappy ?
Because her children weren’t that bright !
What do you call a blonde holding a balloon? Siamese twins
What is a cow’s favorite lunch meat?
Bullogna.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
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