My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
When it’s been sliced.
You can’t predict wind speeds with certainty. The best you can do is make a gust-imate.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite type of music?
R n’ Brie.
What does a koala do before making any kind of appointment? He always checks his koalander.
"Grandpa’s Nose"
Grandpa’s nose is rather big
it’s shaped just like a horn
It doesn’t bother Grandpa,
he says that’s how he was born
I’m glad it’s not a ‘pick’ a lo
or a snooty flute
but when people hear him ‘toot’ his nose
they stand up and salute.
– Judy Valko
You are really talented. You should join a punk-croc band.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
"Love is being stupid together." - Paul Valery
How do you make holy water?
By boiling the hell out of it.
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
What is a dessert called with an extra chromosome?
A chocolate downie.
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
“Yoga is not about tightening your ass. It’s about getting your head out of it.” — Eric Paskel
What mouse was a Roman emperor?
Julius Cheeser!
A scarecrow's favorite fruit to eat is straw-berry.
Why did the bat look for a job?
She was tired of hanging around.
When my friend Frank died, his body was cremated and his ashes were placed in a decorative German beer tankard.
Now he's Frank in stein.
“The only thing that kids wear out faster than shoes is their parents.”
- John J. Plomp.
She stood on the balcony, inexplicably mimicking him hiccuping, and amicably welcoming him in.
Q: Why are cherries never lonely?
A: Because they hang around in bunches.
Even Mozart couldn't make a composition as beautiful as you
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
Why couldn't the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
Why does a penis have a hole in the end? So men can be open minded.
Something’s goat to give.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”
Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
I applied to be a sperm donor recently and the nurse asked me if I could masturbate in the cup.
I told her I’ve done it a few times before but I don’t know if I’m ready to compete in a tournament.
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "Great" he said,
"I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
I red a joke about colors once.
It blue my mind.
How do little avocados get what they want?
They spread it on thick.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
Which fish is the most famous? The starfish.
What do Snowmen call their offspring?
Chill-dren.
That romantic cow took his new girlfriend to the moo-vies.
What’s the difference between hot potato and a flying pig? One’s a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.
Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
What's the difference between a sorority girl and a bowling ball?
You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball.
Go to BabaMail
