Alone in his pen.
Sits solemn and scared,
For they 'did in' his hen.
They took her off Sunday,
Then snuffed out her life.
And now he's alone,
Cause they've eaten his wife.
Thanksgiving now over,
He preens with relief.
He can muster a gobble,
Along with his grief.
He pecks round his pen,
For some 'scratch' sprinkled there.
Grows quite happy again,
Not remotely aware . .
That Christmas is coming
For family and friend,
And for Christmas, at dinner;
They'll eat turkey again.
- Diane Lefebvre
Today, I donated my phone, watch, and $500 to a homeless man. Words cannot describe how happy I felt
When he put his gun back in his pocket
My friend accidentally got salt in his papercut.
Talk about adding insalt to injury.
Q. Where do lady gorillas go for a wild weekend night out?
A. Chimpendale's.
Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn’t have the guts.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
I’m feelin’ pine.
I bet your number sounds even better than you look right now.
You must be a C major scale... All natural.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
What came first, the alligator or the crocodile?
The dinosaur.
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
Did you hear about the cat who drank ten bowls of water? It set a new lap record
What do get if you cross a duck and Santa? A Christmas Quacker.
What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
A cow walking backwards.
I love you so truly,
I love you so fine,
Please be with me always,
Please forever be mine.
Without you I’m empty,
There’s a deep void I feel,
It’s nagging and persistent,
A feeling only you can heal.
I need you my sweetheart,
I can’t live without you dear,
Because when your gone,
There’s no food to eat here!
(Unknown)
There was a Young Lady of Tyre,
Who swept the loud chords of a lyre;
At the sound of each sweep
She enraptured the deep,
And enchanted the city of Tyre.
“In spring we are on Earth; in summer we are on Earth; in autumn we are on Earth, but in winter we are in another planet; winter is another planet!” — Mehmet Murat ildan
What’s the difference between a healthy rabbit and an odd rabbit? One is a fit bunny, and the other’s a bit funny!
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
An astronaut broke up with his girlfriend
Apparently he didn't love her to the moon and back.
Could this be the trail that leads to your heart?
The ref better give me 2 for hooking, 'cause baby I'm hooked on you.
Which side of a deer has the best meat?
The inside.
Honey, do you like water? That means you already like 80% of me.
Sometimes planes go in for maintenance when they have cracks in their bodywork, we call them air-line fractures.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Butter
Butter who?
Butter be quick, I have to go to the bathroom!
I rushed to my local hospital only to find that it had been converted into a library
Talk about having to suffer in silence
I’m not being obtuse, you are acute girl.
“An addiction to gardening is not all bad when you consider all the other choices in life.”
— Cora Lea Bell
Are you a banana? Because you're great at the splits.
Is there a fireman around? Because you are smoking hot.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Did you hear the plum joke? A: It was pitiful.
Did you hear about the couple that split up over coffee?
The lawyer said there were grounds for divorce.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Though it sounds mean, a bad soccer team is much like an old bra. It has no cups and minimal support.
My favorite denim blue jeans just turned brown. I think I will have to call it Dung-arees!
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
I've fallen in love with a pencil and we're getting married.
I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
It’s so hot that the oven got jealous.
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Women should not have children after 34.
Really, 34 children are enough.
Have you heard of the band 1023MB?
They haven't got a gig yet.
Go to BabaMail
