What do you call an artist without a palette? Someone who makes paintings without taste.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
There are two skeleton teachers at school. One is humerus, but the other is very sternum.
Even if there was no gravity, I'd still fall for you.
How do astronauts prepare for a birthday party
They planet.
A few punny Wifi names you can use:
Wi-Fight the Inevitable
Chance the Router
The LAN Before Time
Silence of the LAN
I Believe Wi Can Fi
The Password is...
Click Here to Download
Get off my LAN
Router? I Hardly Knew Her
Definitely Not Wifi
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
“Never let your friends be lonely…. Disturb them all the time.”
— Unknown
What happened to the pirate ship that sank in a sea full of sharks?
It came back with a skeleton crew.
Who is a Penguin’s favorite pop star?
Seal.
Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.
Why did the Easter Egg hide?
Because he was a little chicken.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
There’s an earthquake in my heart, and you’re the epicenter.
Here’s more proof that I’ve gone off the deep end.
Help! I need your number in my long-term memory.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
Because it was so foggy at my father’s funeral, he was buried in the wrong plot.
It was a grave mist-stake.
What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark?
"Do not consume if seal is broken."
A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.
“Look!” she said. “I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me.”
So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.
“Someone’s barking up the wrong Christmas tree.”
You never realize how time flies when you are not wearing a watch on a plane.
"If the hill has its own name, then it's probably a pretty tough hill."
Marty Stern
Something in the way you move attracts me like no other
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
I stole fire from the gods.
But I couldn't fence it. It was too hot.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite movie?
A. Planet of the Apes.
Udon even know how to cook this udon recipe. Fortunately, I can teach you.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital.
He was on a fairway to heaven.
Why couldn't the troll catch any fish?
Because other people took the bait.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
“October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.” Mark Twain
If I had a dime for every time I saw a BMW turn without signaling, I could buy a BMW.
We’ll need protracturtle in our next lesson since the topic will be angles.
Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress? They got married in the spring.
You must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.
I used to be addicted to time travel,
but that's all in the past now.
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
There was an Old Man who said, 'Hush!
I perceive a young bird in this bush!'
When they said, 'Is it small?'
He replied, 'Not at all!
It is four times as big as the bush!'
Why did the monkey like the banana?
Because it had appeal.
What game do bats like to play with birds?
Bat-mington.
So, are you the kinda guy to Lu-kiss and tell?
My wife and I went to a turtle pun class yesterday.
It tortoise nothing.
What happens if you play a county song backwards?
Your wife returns to you, your dog comes back to life, and you get out of prison.
Why did the dolphin blush?
Because it saw the ocean’s bottom!
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
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