In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”
What mouse was a Roman emperor? Julius Cheeser!
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
Your hold on my heart is perennial, I’ll keep coming back always.
I can tell what a woman drinks just by looking at her, and for you it's a diet coke.
Are you a lion of the sea? Because I’m sure, I’ll see you in my bed tonight, lion.
What did one stranger say to the other? Nothing. They didn’t know each other.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
A Bee?
A bee who?
A beaver is building a dam on the river.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
There was an Old Person of Bangor,
Whose face was distorted with anger!
He tore off his boots,
And subsisted on roots,
That irascible Person of Bangor.
How heavy is a rainbow? It's actually pretty light.
What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
Are you a beaver? Because I like your tail.
What do chess players from the Czech Republic call their friends?
Czech-mates.
How does a penguin get around?
By icicle.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
Did you know that a Squid’s esophagus goes through its brain?
Food for thought, isn’t it?
It was pretty foggy outside today.
I shot an arrow in the air, and it stuck.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Follow the fresh prints.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
My teen daughter was sent home from school for covid exposure.....
She’s now my quaranteen.
I love you so fairy much.
What did Santa name his dog? Santa Paws!
Cold Ski Pun of the Day: I'm tired of slalom skiing. Alpine over another telemark now.
Chairlift Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, is it really windy up here, or are you just blowing me away?
I went to an Easter party as a Jesus cosplayer
I told them I was a crossplayer.
Don’t worry, Moher pictures are coming.
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
Q. Why was the baby gorilla such a big brat?
A. Because his parents are big apes.
I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday.....
She said "Nothing would make me happier than a pair of diamond earrings."
So I got her nothing.
Hey babe, I think its about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore
“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.”
— Mac McCleary
If I were Columbus, I would sail day and night to reach the depths of your heart.
I know a guy who had both arms amputated from elbow to shoulder.
He is always serious and never humerus.
Did you hear the Islamic music group who covered "I've Got You Babe?"
Sunni and Shia.
Life's a beach. Enjoy the waves.
I was blinded by your beauty...
I’m going to need your name and phone number for insurance purposes.
“I would say that the hardest thing about being a parent is these goddamned kids.”
- Andy Richter.
Is your name Faith?
Because you're the substance of things I've hoped for.
Go to BabaMail
