Who will Frankenstein’s monster take to the dance?
Any old girl he can dig up.
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
What should you do when you see Frankenstein walking towards you?
Make a bolt for it.
Who’s the arch-enemy of the Gsus chord?
The Dmin chord.
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
Ruby, or not Ruby…that may be one question, but mine is actually will you go out with me?
We like rough sets. As long as you practice safe sets, there isn’t a problem.
Did you hear about the sign on the bakery that got everyone talking? It said “I knead dough to live.”
My son asked me how often planes crash
Usually just once
"When your “mom voice” is so loud even the neighbors brush their teeth and get dressed." - Unknown
I’ve always followed in my father’s footsteps until today.
He turned around and said, “STOP!”
There’s only one thing in the truck world that is bigger than a tow truck, and that’s a foot truck.
I threw water on a flamingo the other day
Now it's just an O.
I heard that starting next year, keyboards will no longer be sold with italics...
But it was a bold-faced lie.
There was an Old Man of Peru,
Who never knew what he should do;
So he tore off his hair,
And behaved like a bear,
That intrinsic Old Man of Peru.
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
I want you to know I’m here for you no matter what, Alice. Tell me anything and Alice-en
“Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.”
Oscar Wilde
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
Why did the artist get into a heated argument with the gallery curator? He just wasn't in the right frame of mind.
"Granddad's Got Hair"
Granddad's got hair on his fingers,
Hair on his toes,
Hair in his ears,
Hair up his nose.
His chest has got more hair than a coarse front door mat.
His back has got more hair than next door's tom cat.
Granddad's head is silky and smooth,
Not a solitary bristle.
Smooth as a baby's bum,
Clean as a whistle.
Some say a snooker ball has got more hair,
But his beard hides a smile that says, "I just don't care."
– Graham Craven
Why did the computer parts salesman quit?
He lost his drive.
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
“Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.” – Sir Claus Moser
What did the water plant worker say when their facility flooded?
Dam.
Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?
So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!
Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?
He forgot his Chopin Liszt.
Why wouldn’t the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
Lava is red and tsunamis are blue. If I had to choose a case study, I’d choose you.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
I thought my ballet-themed body art was unique
But then I saw someone who had a tutu tattoo, too.
The sun's favorite color is ultraviolet. Apparently, it glows with everything.
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
Are you the British museum?
‘Cuz you stole my (he)art
I shot the city sheriff.
I shot the city sheriff.
I shot the city sheriff.
What do you call someone who tells too many dinosaur jokes?
A dino-bore.
Why has the prosthesis dealer become a private detective?
He has a nose for these things.
A Zen Monk is talking to a hot dog vendor.
"What will you have?" asks the vendor.
The Monk says, "make me one with everything."
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
What’s a vampire’s favorite cocktail?
A Bloody Mary.
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
It was stuck to the chicken’s foot.
Where does fog go to the bathroom?
Anywhere it wants.
Snow thank you.
What is the best thing to do if you notice a gorilla is sitting at your desk?
Find another place to sit.
Why did the bat break up with her girlfriend?
She thought she was a pain in the neck.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
"I was on a date with this really hot model. Well, it wasn’t really a date-date. We just ate dinner and saw a movie. Then the plane landed." — Dave Attell
What is a blue whale’s favourite James Bond Film?
Licence to Krill.
Wind turbine mechanics and engineers are very fond of the blew color!
Go to BabaMail
