A team may be talented, but there is no substitute to this, no train no gain!
Do you know what rhymes with cucumber? Your number.
Why did the hipster burn his lips?
He ate his pizza before it was cool.
What is a cat’s favorite song? Three blind mice!
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
Fir sure.
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
Have you ever heard of mushroom cars? Well, they have an interesting sound which goes line shroom shroom!
Hey babe, I’ve been straining my oculomotor nerve looking everywhere for you.
How will a crow with a cold fever sound like? Caw-ph, Caw-ph.
The gang of crows used a crowbar to break into the house.
What did the chicken do when his shop caught on fire?
He egg-xited..
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants!
What does the queen bee of every hive tell their workers to do?
She tells them to bee productive.
Why was the orange skeptical of everyone around him?
He was planted with a seed of doubt.
If pronouncing b’s as v’s makes me sound Russian...
Then Soviet
Roses are red and so is the state, let us be comrades because I think you are great
If you must cross a course cross cow across a crowded cow crossing, cross the cross coarse cow across the crowded cow crossing carefully.
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
Panda ghosts love to eat bam-boo.
How do people stop being crooks? They straighen themselves out!
Did Texas survive last week's winter storms?
Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrly.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
The scientists decided to clean up the Thames because it had a dirty mouth.
The nurse always carried a red pen in her pocket in case she needed to draw blood.
Why do werewolves not enter the Olympics? Too high a chance of a silver medal.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frost bite.
Where were the first orange trees planted?
“In Orange County.”
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
Because it was so foggy at my father’s funeral, he was buried in the wrong plot.
It was a grave mist-stake.
Is there such a thing
As turkey in a can?
If there is, I will buy it;
It doesn’t matter the manufacturer’s land.
As long as it’s edible, I’ll dig in deep.
I can no longer eat
My wife’s Thanksgiving meat.
- Natasha Niemi
Charles Dickens might have given you Great Expectations, but I can meet them.
The clients who buy from our gardening store are grass-ured that the artificial lawn grass would not lose its color with use.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
People really liked the new king's coronation day peach. He truly deserves the throne.
“Some people walk in the rain; others just get wet.” – Roger Miller
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
Call me AC/DC, because I'm gonna rock you all night long!
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
You're one in a melon.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
What do pixies use to clean their teeth?
Fairy floss.
I'm sorry I wasn't around in the past. Can I be part of your future?
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
I would rather breed mice than crows
Mischief is one thing, but I don't think I can pull off a murder.
Man: "I'd really like to get into your pants."
Woman: "No thanks. There's already one asshole in there."
You make me want to upgrade my Tivo.
Go to BabaMail
