“The only clubs I’m interested in are sandwiches.”
― Unknown
So a guy buys a PlayStation and starts an EA game.
Pay just $9.99 to unlock the rest of this joke!
what does a female corn do when she likes a male corn?
she corn-fesses.
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
There was an Old Man of th' Abruzzi,
So blind that he couldn't his foot see;
When they said, 'That's your toe,'
He replied, 'Is it so?'
That doubtful Old Man of th' Abruzzi.
Why do witches only ride their broomsticks at night?
That's the time to sweep.
What did Peter Pan call Tinkerbell when she corrected his spelling?
A Diction Fairy.
Forget a trophy wife…. I’m looking for a Sophie wife
“Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.”
- Buddy Hackett.
"Tom Tigercat"
Tom Tigercat is noted
for his manners and his wit.
He wouldn’t think of lion,
No, he doesn’t cheetah bit.
Tom never pretended
to be something that he’s not.
I guess that’s why we like him
and why he likes ocelot.
– J. Patrick Lewis
What genre are national anthems?
Country.
When autumn arrives, the evergreen tree asked the deciduous tree, "Leafing so soon?'
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
When we cross a deer and a mouse, what would we get?
“Mickey Moose!”
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
What is white and has long ears, whiskers, and sixteen wheels? Two rabbits on Rollerblades!
What do you call a nervous baby ant?
A little antsy.
Since the bartender is not a chemist, he has no idea that H2O2 is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, and gives both chemists a glass of water. Expecting that one to end a little differently, too? If you’re unfamiliar, this is the (rather dark) way that joke usually ends. Plus, check out some more brainy and hilarious science jokes.
“I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.”
- Anthony Anderson
I tried to catch the fog.
But I mist.
What did one beaver say to the other at the river? Dam it.
Nothing runs a pun like bad spelling, accept poor grammar's.
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
Q. What do swine use to chat up a date?
A. Pig-Up Lines!
Not even Fahrenheit, Celsius, or Kelvin can measure how hot you are!
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus!
If you see a ghost, you should always say, 'How do you boo?'
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Lava is red and tsunamis are blue. If I had to choose a case study, I’d choose you.
What is a criminal group of kangaroos called?
A gangaroo.
Who’s a llama’s favorite composer?
Wolfgang Llamadeus Mozart.
It’s so cold washroom attendants have started putting salt boxes next to the toilets.
Los Angeles International Airport should sell their own brand of laxatives called LAXatives.
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
I’ve never seen stars as beautiful as your eyes.
The only thing that is black and white and has to be red all over is a newspaper.
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
It's so hot, I saw a guy with a sign that said, "Will work for shade."
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
During our journey through the savanna grasslands, we kept track of time with the help of an hour-grass.
The Irish didn't invent vodka because they were slow and not Russian.
Where does a rottweiler sit in the cinema?
Anywhere it wants to.
Why did the pumpkin pie go to a dentist?
Because it needed a filling.
I was struggling to find out how lightning works. And then it struck me.
Go to BabaMail
