Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
“Imagine if fire extinguishers were full of snow. Imagine the fun we could have.”
– Neil Hilborn
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
The church is prayer-conditioned. -- Anonymous
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
Will you be the Flin to my Flon?
My glasses fogged up once I came out of the AC room last summer, but I was okay because I was opti-mistic.
“Statistically…. 9 out of 10 injections are in vein.”
Why does the tin keep crossing the road?
Because it can.
Do you know how to get a raise at the bread factory? Try buttering up to the boss.
Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica? It's dread-full.
How do you know Frankenstein is tired?
He’s dead on his feet.
Black ice isn't the only thing I'm falling for.
Why will you not want to give a bath to the Saturn? It would then leave a ring around the tub.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
There’s no trick in these pants.
We bee-long together.
The thirty-three thieves thought that they thrilled the throne throughout Thursday.
I rang up a yoga instructor and asked which class I should take. She said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t do Tuesdays.” – Unknown
What did the showerhead say to the conditioner?
"Get outta hair!"
What do you do when you try to bake a cherry pie for the first time and it doesn't turn out so well? Just wait for the second bite of the cherry.
What do you call a rapper working at Cold Stone? Scoop Dogg.
What's the difference between an owl and an Irish funeral?
One's awake in the night and the other's a wake in the day.
Lost on a mountain, you can collect rainwater to drink during storms.
Otherwise, you just have to make dew.
What do you get if you stand between two llamas?
Llamanated.
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Nose.
Nose who?
I nose plenty more knock-knock jokes!
Why did the cloud stay at home? It was feeling under the weather.
There was an old man in a tree,
Whose whiskers were lovely to see;
But the birds of the air,
Pluck'd them perfectly bare,
To make themselves nests on that tree.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
There are 4 rings men need for marriage - The first is an engagement ring, then a wedding ring, then suffe-ring and endu-ring.
Why does a hummingbird hum? It doesn't know the words!
I have a connection to make, but first I want to connect with you.
What did the motivational speaker say?
Don’t take life for granite.
How about we get down to monkey business?
If I had to describe myself in 3 words?
Lazy.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Why don't skeletons play baseball?
Because they don't have the heart for it.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
What's green and got two wheels?
A motorpickle.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
A wise man will know
finding a worm in a pear…
better than half worm
(Jan Allison)
What did a sign say outside the pet shop? Buy 1 dog get 1 flea!
A pony goes to see the doctor one day.
He says, "Doc, you've got to help me. I've had this terrible sore throat for weeks and I think there must be some badly wrong."
The doctor examines him and then reassures him saying, "It's okay, it's nothing serious; you're just a little horse."
Why is it always cold during Christmas? Because its Decemburrrrrrrr.
What is the difference between a chemist and a geologist? While a geologist will drink anything fermented, a chemist just
drinks anything that is distilled.
I was hoping you wouldn't block my pop-up. You must've been made by Intel to be that hot!
Hey girl, are you a broom?
Why, because I swept you off your feet?
No, because you're really hairy.
Who is a beaver's most favorite pop singer ever? Justin Beaver.
What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.
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