What’s black, white and red all over?
A penguin with a sunburn.
Give me extra time; I’ll prove to you that I’m worth it.
We aren't even in hot yoga, but you have me sweating.
Who is Frosty’s favorite Aunt?
Aunt Artica!
What did the werewolf say when he sat on sandpaper?
- Ruff!
Before the Koalaville basketball team can play for the national championship, they have to make it through the koalafying rounds.
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
How do you know flowers are friendly?
They always have new buds!
When god gave out bodies, he did it in alphabetical order.
GOD: And to you, horse, I give you a golden mane, great strength and speed, and a giant gait. You will be the noblest of beasts, and men will love you.
HORSEFLY (next in line): Oh man this is gonna be gooood.
I can't hear out of my ear...
It's really EAR-itating.
“What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.”
What excuse did the late watermelon give his boss? He said be there in 5 boss, I’m just rind the corner.
What kind of donuts can fly?
The plain ones.
What did the penguin say after he went shopping?
Put it on my bill.
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
“Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.” – Proverb 10:26
“Jet lag is for amateurs.”
— Dick Clark
Mr. Tongue Twister tried to train his tongue to twist and turn, and twit an twat, to learn the letter "T".
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
What do you call a monkey who can’t keep a secret?
A blab-boon.
Excuse me, is it you or my coffee that’s getting my heart rate up?
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
But I wouldn’t know,
I don’t get them from you.
Where do fish sleep? In the riverbed.
What is a dentist’s favorite hymn?
Crown Him with Many Crowns.
My sister was anxious to do some landscaping at her new home, but then she called up sounding hopeless.
“I don’t think I’ll ever get these trees planted,” she moaned. “It says to plant in full sun, but it’s been cloudy for four days.”
Because of my rights related to eminent domain, you have to compensate me for stealing my heart.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
My race time today was much better than yesterday. I was in a whole different gear.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
Are you a ghost? Because you’ve been haunting my dreams.
"I am allergic to stupidity, so I break out in sarcasm."
Anonymous
"Have you heard of Murphy's law?"
"Yeah."
"What is it?"
"If something can go wrong, it will go wrong."
"Right. Have you heard of Cole's Law?"
"No, what is it?"
"Thinly sliced cabbage."
Which color is a zebra's base color? The debate is endless, and there is no clear answer.
It both is and isn't a black-and-white issue.
You better beer-live it!
Why did the rude unicorn not say hello to the other? Because while the pace (face) was familiar, he
just couldn’t remember the mane (name).
Those who study the moon for their course or as a habit, are optimists. And that is because they look at the brighter side always.
Nut cookies are the best gifts for nutty friends.
Stealthy minotaurs are always camooflauged.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To knock-knock on the door, walk into the bar, and change the lightbulb.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Vladimir Putin's approval rate is 80%...
The other 20% are missing.
A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant.
Its called Eel-on Musk.
An otter and an otter are in a car, who's driving? Animal Control
What do you call a boy and girl playing blues music? The battle of the saxes.
Which trophy has the most glitz? The Lady Bling.
What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!
Why don’t leprechauns run?
They’d rather jig than jog.
Why did the baker quit making donuts?
Because he was fed up with the hole business!
Go to BabaMail
