I'm gonna be on you like alligator on wildebeest.
Can I take your temperature? You’re looking hot today.
How do you hide a $100 bill from a televangelist?
Place it in their bible.
I must stop eating Snickers
I can’t fit in my knickers
Have less food on my plate
Won’t moan about my weight
(Jan Allison)
Are you from a fairytale? Your beauty is magical
What does Willow Smith say to her pets? I whip my hare back and forth.
I love eating glow worms
Especially as a light snack
“Everything goes better with tacos.”
― Rachel Caine
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
I like to say mucho when i’m talking to my Spanish speaking friends.
It means a lot to them.
Why do Swedish battleships have barcodes printed on the sides?
So that when they return to port they can scandinavyin.
Why did the man with one hand cross the road?
To get to the second-hand shop.
My wife asked: "What's our WiFi?"
I said: It's an internet connection that works wirelessly through something called a modem. Why?"
She hasn't spoken to me all week.
“When life hands you lemons, give them back. You deserve chocolate.”
― Unknown
Where do dinosaurs get their mail ? At the dead-letter office!
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
My grandma is 80% Irish.
People call her Iris.
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
Hey baby, are you a shrink? 'Cause I went nuts when you walked by.
How do you plan to shell-ebrate the New Year?
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
Our love started with a Hershey’s Kiss.
No one likes eating outside in the winter.
It’s frost come, frost served.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
A witch burnt her butt on a candle.
She was angry. It was such a scandal.
She jumped on her broom
And zoomed to her doom.
Went too fast, so she flew off the handle!
I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.
It was a cider attack.
Yesterday’s weather forecast predicted freezing rain. However, it turned out to be quite an ice day.
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
Has anyone told you you have the best smile ever? Honestly, its Nat-a-lie!
How do you kill a southern vampire?
You bless his heart.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
Alzheimer's Center Prepares For An Affair To Remember.
What did the duck do after he read all these jokes?
He quacked up.
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.
What goes ‘Cackle, cackle, cackle, bonk’?
A witch laughing her head off.
The Doctor could tell right away the bucket was sick.
It was looking a bit pale.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
There’s a new dish out; it’s a cross between a cake and a bird. They call it a Flan-ingo.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
“Summer bachelors like summer breezes, are never as cool as they pretend to be.”
– Nora Ephron
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
“Yoga is too slow.” — Rob Gronkowski
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!
Never go on a date with a cactus
They'll spike your drink
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
Go to BabaMail
