Why did the computer leave the restroom crying?
It said, "it hurts when IP."
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
Is this a catch and release fishing session? Because I don't want to let you go.
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says:
"Doctor, what’s the problem with me?
When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts...
When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!"
The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
Is it true that you are from China since I’m China get your number?
"I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough." — Russell Brand
Man: Are those space pants.
Woman: No!, They're softball pants because my ass is out of your league.
My mom is really soup-rised at the outcome when she puts yeast in the broth.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
Q. What does a doe say When something very unexpected happens?
A. Oh, Deer God!
When the ghost blew his nose, lots of boo-gers came out.
"I now pronounce you dumped and single. You may now kiss my ass."
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
It’s snow joke.
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
What’s the ratio of a pumpkin’s circumference to its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other? Cut it out!
Yesterday’s weather forecast predicted freezing rain. However, it turned out to be quite an ice day.
What are the cat police called? The claw Enforcement.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Are you an audiobook? Because I want to listen to you forever.
“There is nothing safer than flying, it’s crashing that is dangerous.”
- Theo Cowan
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Where does a cat keep its coins? In its purr-se.
When we were young, we had this myth that lightning bolts go all the way to cloud 9.
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
One Saturday morning at three,
A cheese monger's shop in Paree.
Collapsed to the ground,
With a thunderous sound,
Leaving only a pile of de brie.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
Contrary to belief, Wikipedia actually has less factual errors than traditional printed encyclopedias.
Source: Wikipedia
What’s the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
Girl holding bowl colorful variety game indoor.
What job did Dracula’s son have on his little league team?
Bat boy!
You can catch a lot of flies with honey
But you'll catch more honeys being fly.
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
What do you say to an astronaut looking for a car park
There's a spaceman.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
Are you that one more chapter? You keep me awake most of the time.
"If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough."
― Phyllis Diller
It is said that crows and owls are in caw-hoots.
Why couldn't the blonde add 10 + 5 on a calculator?
She couldn't find the "10" button.
A mosquito can fly, but a fly cannot mosquito.
If I had to choose between breathing and loving you, I'd take my last breath to say "I Love You".
What did Cinderella Dolphin lose?
Her glass flipper!
A baseball walks into a bar. The bartender throws him out.
“Conjunctivitis.com — that’s a site for sore eyes.”
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, I bet this chair lift weighs enough to break the ice.
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
Go to BabaMail
