What are crisp, like milk and go 'eek, eek, eek' when you eat them? Mice Krispies!
What do you call a male witch?
Mitch
If I were a cat, I'd spend all 9 lives with you
What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney? You are to little to smoke!
As autumn came, the leaves started greeting each other by saying, "Hay there!"
Leave poetry to the prose.
Question: What is the oldest animal?
Answer: The Zebra, it's still in black and white!
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You know what they say about when life gives you melons?
You might be dyslexic.
“Remember not to leave a fire burning in your fireplace this Christmas Eve, or else you might wake up to a Crisp Kringle.”
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
Let’s take an elfie.
If you were born and raised in France, what does that make you?
French bred.
Why did the orange turn into orange juice?
It couldn’t handle the pressure.
When did the dentist develop tooth pain?
Tooth-hurty!
Why do basketball players love cookies? Because they can dunk them!
I was working on my family history. Do you think it's too early to list you as a spouse?
It’s so hot ice pops are melting in the freezer.
How did the koala bear get the high-paying job? He met all of the koalafications.
Did you hear about the suicidal homeopath? He took 1/50th of the recommended dose.
Little Johnny's teacher said,
"Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's."
"Did you copy hers?" she asked.
Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
What did the policeman say to his tummy?
Freeze. You’re under a vest.
What kind of tea did the American colonists want? Liberty.
Just finished my first shift as a lion impersonator.
It was a roaring success.
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
“The poor have more children, but the rich have more relatives.” – Unknown
Are you a beaver? ‘Cause dam.
What do oranges have after a hard work out? Juice!
You knead me in your loaf. This one kind of works, but loaf is just a little too different from life.
What did the water in the fire truck say when it came to a sudden stop?
I'm baffled.
Why cant a mosquito stand on his feet?
because they dont have mosquiTOES.
There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language.
But I could never string together enough words to properly express how beautiful you are.
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.
Q: What is a tornado’s favorite game?
A: Twister
What does the fish say when she disagrees with her husband?
I don’t quite sea it that way.
Girl, if you were a dinosaur, you'd be a Gorgeousaurus.
Your name must be Summer because you are hot.
What do you call a gushing keyboard?
sqwerty
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.
What does the ski bum do when the chairlift line is too long?
He's gondola top of the mountain.
It’s so hot firecrackers light themselves.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
Are you sure you're not from South Korea? Because I'm sure you're my 'Seoul'-mate.
Hold me tight dear and I promise to send all my loving to you.
There was a Young Lady of Hull,
Who was chased by a virulent bull;
But she seized on a spade,
And called out, 'Who's afraid?'
Which distracted that virulent bull.
A berry from which you can directly drink out of is a straw-berry.
Are you a stop watch? Because our time is up.
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