What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
What sound do 8 sheep make?
Octo-bah.
Which state of America has lots of cats and dogs? Petsylvania
After bidding farewell to my neurosurgeon friend, we promised that we would grey in touch!
Tonight's forecast: 100% chance of love.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
It’s so hot my dream house is an igloo.
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
Went to the doctor because I got a strawberry stuck in my ear
He gave me some cream for it
Are you a star? Because you are twinkling at the party.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
Hey girl my heart is anywhere you are.
How does a rude princess sit on a horse?
Snide-saddle.
Cows will never make the police force because they simply refuse to go on steak-outs.
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The Screwdriver responds, “You have a drink named Murray?”
I asked the land beside the ocean if he was certain he wasn't beach.
But he was pretty shore.
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
If Corona virus is just a beer virus..
Then it’s just a yeast infection!
Why are wintertime fortune tellers so reliable?
They can see what is mitten in the stars.
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
Albert Einstein
There is a specific type of cats who love to go bowling. They are known as alley cats.
Why did the volleyball player get sent to jail? Because he was set up.
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
Did you hear about the croc calling the frog? He just croc-o-dialled.
What’s so great about whiteboards?
If you think about it, they’re pretty re-markable!
Q: How is hurricane season like Christmas?
A: At some point, there’s going to be a tree inside your house.
Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
I wanna grow old together. I will stay with you even after I'm sixty-four!
Why don’t koalas like fast food? Because it’s too hard for them to catch.
A pig and a horse walk into a movie theater.
The horse didn't feel like buying popcorn so he brought some hay. A theater employee saw him and said. "Are you sneaking outside food into the theater?"
The horse said "nay."
The pig squealed.
Why did the Archaeopteryx get the most worms?
Because he was an early bird.
The innocent blueberry got easily framed for the crime because the evidence was a strawberry plant.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution
Who is the penguins favourite aunt?
Aunt Arctica
Wanna know why I like to do yard work?
It really takes the hedge off!
Did Rudolph go to school?
No, he was elf taught!
What type of pool do mechanics like best?
The car pool!
“This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt” – Earl Wilson
What do you call an alligators nurse?
Gator-aid.
Why did Chicken Little cross the road?
To warn the people on the other side that the sky was falling.
Why don’t crabs donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
How do beavers make a bouncy dam? Well, they use spring water.
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