Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
My uncles petshop really started doing well when he started selling parrots. They literally flew off the shelves.
Hey I love your shoes, they would look even better if they were running alongside me.
My father had the uncanny ability to know which way the wind blew by feeling his jugular...
`It was his weather vein.
Roberta ran rings around the Roman ruins.
Why are conspiracy theories are like moon landings?
Because they're all fake.
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
You are the object of my preposition.
Why don’t Satanic boats ever sink?
Because they’re Unholy.
How are snow boards and vacuum cleaners alike?
Both have dirt bags on board.
I use homemade pumpkin spice. Would you like to try some?
Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered
Why did the advertising tycoons hire a bunch of apes?
They were running a gorilla marketing campaign.
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
What do you call a dinosaur who is elected to Congress? Rep. Tile!
I feel thankful for having you as my gym buddy and lover.
Our relationship is really working out.
Why didn't the ghost dance at the party? He had no body to dance with.
Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
We are often greatly bothered
By two fussy little men,
Who sometimes block our pathway –
Their names are How and When.
If we have a task or duty
Which we can put off a while,
And we do not go and do it –
You should see those two rogues smile!
But there is a way to beat them,
And I will tell you how:
If you have a task or duty,
Do it well, and do it now.
What do you call a fake Irish stone? A shamrock.
“A messy house is a must—it separates your true friends from other friends. Real friends are there to visit you not your house!”
— Jennifer Wilson
Where do the monkeys melt their cheese?
Under the gorilla.
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
I like you a lily bit more every day.
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad sandals.
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
Something in the way you move attracts me like no other
What did the rainbow say to the other rainbow? Nothing, it was feeling blue.
Two crows land on a park bench.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
What do you call an overweight alien?
An extra cholesterol.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
You remind me of a hot summer day
Some days I just can’t stand the heat
Yet here you stay
There are days I wish to be alone
Yet you follow me still
I love you woman, but let’s keep it real
Sometimes you remind me
Of a hot summer day
I love being around you
But at times I need you to go away
(Anonymous)
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
The pun class we attended totally tortoise nothing.
He is the best chef in the city. His soups take my broth away.
"I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception."
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Republicans Turned Off By Size Of Obama’s Package
How do you get a teddy bear across the border?
You snuggle it across.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
Go to BabaMail
