Who should drive home out of the two friends?
The one who is not tired.
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
What did the Austrian skier yell when he sprained his ankle?
“Alp!”
What has no pants and screams like a bear? A bear.
If Moses were alive today, why would he be considered a remarkable man?
Because he would be several thousand years old.
“Finally, a Thanksgiving without a drunken uncle. Just me, my nieces and nephews and my bottle of Jack Daniels.” — Conan O’Brien
'what's the Wifi password?'
'Its for security'
'Haha, yes, I know that. But what's the password?'.
'No, it's 'forsecurity'. All one word, lower case.'.
Have a gneiss day! This is one of the simplest rock puns, but it is certainly a gneiss way to start your day out right!
How does the Skywalker family like their tea?
Lukewarm.
I pitcher us together forever.
"Your kisses are to dye for."
Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back."
Franklin Jones
What’s the only thing divorce proves?
Whose mother was right in the first place.
The success in this sport is not how you bowl, but how you roll.
What do you call a Mexican unicorn? Junicorn.
Why can't the bankrupt Hindu complain? He's got no beef.
How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? Theres M&M shells all over the floor.
I didn't know angels flew this low.
It's tough to tell if the sky is ever happy or not. It always looks so blue!
I’m ready to shamrock and roll.
Why does salt make everything taste better
Because it's sodi-yummm!
What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo?
“Hop on!”
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
“Archeologists 10,000 years from now will believe this was a sacred feast where gravy boats were worshipped.” —@WilliamAder
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
Which type of dinosaur could jump higher than a house ? Any kind! A house cannot jump!
I'm working on a Yosemite Sam video game.
But it has a lot of Bugs.
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section
Fishing you a happy day.
Where is a flamingo’s favourite place to dance? The hop, of course!
If I kissed you on one cheek, would you turn the other?
Why couldn’t the cheese sleep?
He was scared there was a munster under the bed.
Why don’t monkeys play cards in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before.
Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
“Why not?”
“I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”
Working the poker table at the casino with my new prosthetic hand is going to be a challenge,
But I’ll learn to deal with it.
What do alligators call human children?
Appetizers.
Genie: "What’s your first wish?"
Steve: "I wish I was rich."
Genie: "What’s your second wish, Rich?"
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
What do ghosts and monsters drink after scaring people?
Ghoul-Aid.
What's a frog's favorite candy?
Lollihops.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
What do you say to you, me, and our dogs getting together sometime to raise the ruff?
Afraid he wouldn’t get into college the skeleton spent the weekend boning up on algebra.
Do you want to be my lab partner? I think we could have some great chemistry together.
There was an Old Man, on whose nose,
Most birds of the air could repose;
But they all flew away
At the closing of day,
Which relieved that Old Man and his nose.
Go to BabaMail
