“Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries, has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.” —Ambrose Bierce
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
All chemists know that alcohol is always a solution
What’s a skeleton’s next favorite rock band?
Bone Jovi.
What did the bride say to her new husband at their wedding? - I love you so mush-groom!
What kind of bee makes milk?
A Boobie!
My brother, who is an IT guy, got surgery done on his fingers. Now he can truly be called a tech-knuckle support guy.
I think you're barbe-cute.
What is the perfect day to go to the beach?
Sun-day!
Babe, you are like my right temporoparietal areas: I’d be lost without you.
Date me and all of your problems will be polygone.
Sorry if this is extra cheesy, but you have a pizza my heart.
What does the witch do on her birthday?
She spellabrates.
What does a biologist wear when they're going out?
Designer genes.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
My favourite piece in chess is the rook
It is the most straight-forward.
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
Driftin with an attractor like you, baby, is always 'drag free'.
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
“I am hungary.”
“Maybe you should czech the fridge.”
“I’m russian to the kitchen.”
“Is there any turkey?”
“We have some, but it’s covered in greece”
“ew, there’s norway I’d eat that!”
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
What time do spacemen get up? Alien in the morning.
What do you call a dinosaur who is elected to Congress? Rep. Tile!
I'm going to discuss global warming on Sunday at a debate. It's a very heated topic.
What did the duck eat for snack?
Salted Quackers.
It doesn't matter if my wife tells me Im not mature
Im not going to let her enter my tree house without the right password.
Soviet goaltenders got their hair cut at Vladislav's Tress-shack.
What do time and space have in common with family?
It's all relative.
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
What is a French cat's favorite dessert? Chocolate mousse!
Wow, we really matched? I guess we’re simply Seb-posed to be
You are photon quanta to my valence electron because you excite me to a higher energy level.
What has a spiked tail, plates on its back, and sixteen wheels? A Stegosaurus on roller skates!
Date a soccer player. We can go for 90 minutes and know 11 different positions.
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
— Mark Twain
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”
George Carlin
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball.
Why wouldn’t the Pharaoh let the Hebrews go?
He was in ‘de Nile.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
I’m not part of the Prohibition Movement. You can speakeasy to me.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
It’s so cold that the snowflakes froze in the air and birds used them as stepping stones to get from tree to tree.
"I carrot wait for the Easter Bunny."
“Having children is like living in a frat house — nobody sleeps, everything s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.”
- Ray Romano.
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
What did the oranges do after concluding the meeting?
They peeled the deal.
When a gardener asks you how much you love them, you could try the effective – I love you from my head to-ma-toes.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
Go to BabaMail
