Easter and April Fools’ are on the same day this year.
For efficiency, send your kids to look for eggs that you haven’t hidden.
Why did the fox cross the road?
She was chasing the chicken.
Are you sure you're not from South Korea? Because I'm sure you're my 'Seoul'-mate.
Why does the skeleton wear skinny jeans?
Because it’s got a marrow waistline.
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
"A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that doesn’t mean she can’t have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones." — Cher
Why will the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch!
The other day I told a joke about an armored vehicle with a rotating gun turret.
It tanked.
Are you a practice room? Because I want you and I hope you're not taken
What do you call a kangaroo sanctuary?
A kazoo.
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
Why did the mouse eat a candle?
For some light refreshment!
"You make me egg-static."
My girlfriend was seasoning the soup. I asked, "What spice is that?", and she replied "Sage".
I said, "Sounds wise".
“Surely Sylvia swims!” shrieked Sammy surprised. “Someone should show Sylvia some strokes so she shall not sink.”
Seagulls talking
what's the matter?
fussy squawking
seagulls talking...
Waddle walking
pavement patter-
Seagulls talking
what's the matter?
Birds discussing
“Took my breadcrumb!”
Angry fussing
birds discussing
seagull cussing
“Hey, I want some!”
birds discussing
“Took my breadcrumb!”
(Rhona McFerran)
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
You're like milk, I want to make you a part of my complete breakfast.
The first time I saw your hiking boots, I knew we were sole-mates.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
“Always respect Mother Nature. Especially when she weighs 400 pounds and is guarding her baby.”
- James Rollins.
What do you call it when you brush off the winter snow for the last time?
A spring fling!
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
"I've found some bunny to love."
Sorry I'm so quiet this evening. You simply took my breath away.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxi cabs.
What animal jumps when it walks and sits when it stands?
A kangaroo.
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
When the going gets tough, let the pins fall where they may.
What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in? A water
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
I think you and I could make a perfect Caleb-oration
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Butter
Butter who?
Butter get an umbrella, it looks like it's going to rain!
You're such a TEAse.
Have you ever been fishing in Lake Michigan? 'Cause we should hook up sometime.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
How long do chickens work?
Around the cluck.
What do you call a month’s worth of rain?
England.
The Secret Service surround the President with twelve cows because they were attempting to beef up their security.
What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
Two spines are running up the hill as a hedgehog passes by them
Then one spine turns and says to the other “we missed the bus!!”
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
It’s so hot the best parking place is determined by the shade instead of the distance.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
My feelings for you have grown exponentially.
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
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