Does anybody remember the joke I posted about my spine?
It was about a weak back.
“The only yoga stretch I've perfected is the yawn.”
- Grant Tucker.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A piiig!
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.
Why did the fish cross the road? Cause it was hooked!
What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? "If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!"
What do we call a flock of sheep that tumbles down a mountain? They are called a lamb-slide.
You must be a ninja, because you snuck into my heart
What do you call a dinosaur that eats it's vegetables? A.brocileasoarus
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
The hiker hated the top of the mountain because it was all downhill from there!
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Rabbit.
Rabbit who?
Rabbit up carefully, it's a present!
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
Hey, I found you! You are the girl of my dreams.
Blue and orange are always polite and amicable with each other because they are complementary colors.
Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!
What do you call Chewbacca when you have chocolate stuck in your hair?
chocolate chip wookiee.
Why did the computer wear glasses?
To improve its web sight.
Forget about watermelons, I heard having a windmelon your property is the best way to get clean and renewable electricity.
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
Don't get tide down this summer. 'Tis the season for having fun.
What did the river say to the beaver? You look so tide'y.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
You don't like the outdoors? Unbe-leaf-able.
The oranges hadn’t been peeling well for a week when they finally decided to seek medical attention.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
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What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
You’re as beautiful as a flower, but I think I rose to the challenge.
Moisturiser is good for your skin...
Let that sink in.
What did the rabbit say to its wife? No bunny compares to you.
Distill my beating heart.
The cost of the space program is astronomical.
A guy named Bart walks into a bar, he immediately gets shot and dies. Who killed him?
The Bartender.
Koi fish always travel in a groups of four
Because the predator will go after the D koi
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
What is it about birthdays that make kangaroos unhappy?
They only get to celebrate them in leap years.
According to the second law of thermodynamics, you're supposed to share your body heat with me.
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
I whale always love you.
What do you call a person really crazy about the moon
A lunatic.
There was an Old Person of Tring,
Who embellished his nose with a ring;
Ha gazed at the moon
Every evening in June,
That ecstatic Old Person in Tring.
My parents used my Uber to go and file the application ending their marriage.
I gave the driver one star. He drove my parents to divorce.
Why are parrots the life of the party? Every day is their bird-day!
“Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes.”
― Amy Neftzger
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
“Weeds are nature’s graffiti.”
— Janice Maeditere
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
What is a baker’s favorite type of icing?
Fawn-dant.
"It's unsticking-your-thighs-from-a-plastic-chair season"
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