Oh I didn't mean to pull you in so close. I thought I heard a rutting bull moose.
Your good seed for the day.
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
My doctor forgot to document my blood type.
It was a typo.
How is a man like a gun?
Keep one around long enough, and you’ll definitely want to shoot him.
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
What do we call a deer that wears a mask and refuses to tell its name?
“Anony – moose.”
“I’m not retiring, I am graduating . . . retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen.” – Junior Seau
I didn't think the doctor would fix the curve in my spine
But now I stand corrected.
Wondering about a peach's favorite movie? Well it has to be the 'King's Peach'.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
What was the skeleton doing at the hockey game?
Driving the zam-boney.
Why did Dany stay home from the party? She wasn’t invited.
How do men define a "50/50" relationship? We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
Hey, how'd you like to recreate the Big Bang?
“One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention.”
— Clifton Fadiman
You must be calcification on a non-contrast CT, cause you’re just glowing.
Me: I’d like to book an appointment at the hospital please Receptionist: how about 10 tomorrow?
Me: no I don’t need that many, only one thanks.
What do your call a dinosaur with one eye? Eye-saur.
Are you tired? Because you've been running through my mind all day with a frisbee in your mouth.
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
Did you hear about the mother goat telling jokes?
She’s a real kidder.
If you were here, Abby all over you
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
Seed between the lines.
Why did the T-Rex get a ticket? He ran through the stomp sign.
You have beautiful eyes. Oh, wait, those are your wings. Why you gotta be so scary?
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
If fish is brain food, what do dumb people eat? Noodle soup.
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
What did the diamond say to its friend copper? Nothing, silly, minerals don’t talc!
I wish I were cross-eyed so I can see you twice
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
Why do gorillas have really big fingers?
Because they have really big nostrils!
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
My friend over there really wants your number so he knows where to get a hold of me in the morning.
What is the cutest car?
A BM-cuddle-U
What do Muslims do during the coronavirus outbreak?
They stay in Quran-tine.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
Did you hear about the thief that preferred robbing criminals and babysitters?
He cleaned out every crook and nanny.
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
As I am walking towards my classroom, I get to know that my miss-is-sippi-ng my glass of water.
What do you call a spinning potato? A rotate-o.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
Why did the sheep cross the road?
To get to the baa-baa shop for a haircut.
"Will you accept this rosé?"
Go to BabaMail
