What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Riding a camel really isn't as hard as they say it is.
Once you get over the first hump, the rest is easy.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
I’ve got a great idea for an automatic orange peeling machine I hope it bares fruit.
Don't be a jerk-o-lantern
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
Why didn’t the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn’t in it.
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
Why can't chefs play baseball? They always get caught trying to steal a basil.
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye? Doyouthinkhesawus
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft
A Duct-ape.
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” Douglas Adams.
Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?
How can a camel walk the desert without getting hungry? Because of all the sandwhiches there.
Why was there lightning and thunder in the lab?
The scientists were brainstorming.
You must be one spicy dish because you're making my heart burn.
My Little Chocolate Mess
Bathwater and bubbles are waiting,
but my child is nowhere near.
Yet, I can see from cookie crumbs,
he's crawled from here to there.
Oh, yes! he's been in the kitchen.
I see his crooked crumb trail,
which leads to our white kitten,
with a chocolate, sticky tail!
In every room I search
for my little chocolate mess.
Then, I find him in the my bedroom,
with his hands on my new dress!
(Darlene Gifford)
There was a Young Lady of Hull,
Who was chased by a virulent bull;
But she seized on a spade,
And called out, 'Who's afraid?'
Which distracted that virulent bull.
How do pigs write top secret messages?
With invisible oink!
What did the mathematician do at the baseball game?
Square root for the home team.
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
A kid at the spelling bee was asked to spell "inward"
A teacher tackled him after the first G
Hey girl, you won’t need the Rosetta Stone to translate my love for you.
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
"I only workout, because I really really like donuts."
- Unknown
What to give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday?
Shorts.
You must be from Quebec because these feelings I have for you are Mont-real.
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
Feeling fintastic.
Why is the letter B so cold? Because it’s between the AC.
What is a ghosts favorite soup? Scream of Broccoli.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
Eileen.
Why did the optimist lose his job at the photographic processing lab?
He couldn't focus on the negatives.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To bock traffic.
Do you have any sunscreen? 'Cause you are burning me up!
My wife said, "You act like a detective too much, I want to split up."
"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
Have you heard about a man who became a werewolf?
He was distressed at first, but then he took a lycan to it.
What do you call a man with an opinion? Wrong.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
What’s a salesman’s favorite Scripture passage?
The Great Commission.
“Whenever a man does a thoroughly stupid thing, it is always from the noblest motives.”
- Oscar Wilde
Join us for a slice of fun.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Two knee.
Two knee who?
Two-knee fish!
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
I didn't know WiFi stood for Wireless Fidelity.
I guess I just didn't get the connection.
“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”—John Grogan
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