No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
I Wanna Be Your Man
Why do leaves change color in the fall? Because they want to leaf their old color.
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
A cat, by any other name, is still a sneaky little furball that barfs on the furniture.
What did the river sue for?
Beaver damage.
A son asked his dad: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
The dad responded with: "Yes, we arson."
Why wasn’t the giraffe invited to the party?
He was a pain in the neck.
I told my son to go find out what "nada" means in english
But he came back with nothing
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
“Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers.”
Socrates
I think my chickens are possessed
My wife is very much distressed
Their feathers are all dishevelled
And the eggs they lay are devilled
- Paul Curtis
Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.
Which bird is the most contented? The crow, because he never complains without caws.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
I saw a lion in a bar, trying to pick up a lioness literally half his age
and I'm like "man, you must have *no* pride"
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
So how many cats do you have?
What does a hippy cherry wear to a festival? A pie dye T-shirt.
Getting tired of all this laundry. I’m going to throw the towel in.
What do we call an airplane that cannot take off? It is called an error plane.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
Stuart Turner“
“I tell you what always catches my eye. Short people with an umbrella.”
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
No matter what shampoo I use, I can’t seem to get rid of my dandruff.
It’s a real head scratcher.
You’re like a dictionary—you add meaning to my life.
What does a koala do before making any kind of appointment? He always checks his koalander.
Time waits for no man, time is obviously a woman.
Why did the tiger lose at poker?
Because he was playing with a cheetah.
How did Frankenstein know Jesus was coming for a visit?
He used his frankincense.
What is a deer’s favorite place to get breakfast?
Dunkin’ Doe-nuts!
Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized? Reports say it was due to too many strokes.
Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
What is the popular computer game that crows play? Caw of Duty!
Are you a drum? Because my heart beats for you.
As my wife opened the cabinet, a coffee cup crashed on her head.
It's awful to see someone you love get mugged.
My son was injected with poisoned blood from a person from Finland
He said "I am finnished."
"You make me egg-static."
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
We need to cover more ground so we should split up.
How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Why is the ocean so salty?
Because the land never waves back.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
“I almost broke both my arms trying to hold open a revolving door for a woman.”
Steven Wright
What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
Giving me your number sounds like a fair trade.
Why Did the Whale Cross the Ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Go to BabaMail
