My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball!
I've had bad luck with European women:
Ginger Vitis -- such bad breath
Anna Phalaxis -- kept fainting
Anne Gina -- broken heart (her brother-in-law Arthur Itis was such a pain)
Di Abetes -- too sugary sweet
Pam Creatis -- made me sick to my stomach
Lauren Gitis -- too quiet
Rose Acea -- A bit rash for me
Why should you swim in an ool instead of a pool?
Because there’s no “p” in it!
Are you a thief? Because you stole my heart.
I wanted to do some research on organs in biology, but I had no WiFi and couldn't find the information I wanted.
I wound up using cellular.
Why did the skeleton go to acting classes?
He wanted tibia star.
What do you call a fruity pop star? Katy Peary.
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
Have you ever tried to write your own puns?
It's a fairly difficult pun-dertaking!
I peed my pants every time I stood in front of my first-grade class to talk.
That's how I lost my teaching license.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What do ponies look for in a vehicle?
Lots of horsepower.
Vampires love corny jokes and puns. I don't think they're funny, but it's probably to do with them being pun-dead.
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
Why couldn’t the fish watch YouTube?
He couldn’t stream the video.
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship." ― Sharon Stone
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
It's really easy to learn white water kayaking
You just go with the flow.
“I’d like to publicly thank my husband [Dax Shepard] for changing half the diapers in our house. I hope he changes all of mine one day…”—Kristen Bell
Can I tie your shoes? I don’t want you falling for anyone else.
"If she happens to fall, I’ll be there to laugh at first and then help her up afterwards." — J.A. Redmerski
Love me tender love me true
Show me how you feel
Buy a ring and bend the knee
Then take me for a meal
Give me wine
Act like you’re mine
And woo me with your charm
Then kiss me quickly
Before I’m sickly
And hanging on your arm
(Anonymous)
What did the ghost buy at the bar? Boos!
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
A strawberry who is a thief is called a rob-berry
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
What do you get if you cross a pig with a dinosaur ? Jurassic Pork!
When my daughter said she saw some chubby unicorns at the zoo, I couldn’t believe it. But it turns out it was just rhinos.
I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent.
Now it has no friends.
Your name must be Coca Cola, because you're so-da-licious.
You can forget about winning, princess. Because even Cinderella can’t get to this ball.
What do you call a werewolf who cuts down trees?
A timber wolf.
What do cannibals eat for dessert?
Chocolate covered aunts.
What is the proper name for the ghost of a buffalo?
A booffalo.
Why does cheese look normal? Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.
I snuggle to get through these winter days.
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers this morning, when I thought to myself...
I really need to wash some mugs.
WOOD you tell give some wood puns?
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
I took one Luca at you and I honestly couldn’t resist
“When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”
Erma Bombeck
What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.
You must be related to Alfred Nobel because baby you are dynamite!
Go to BabaMail
