How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
In order to be efficient, I named my parrots Roger, Gene, and Mick.
Two Byrds, one Stone.
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money.”- Henry Youngman
“Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.”
Dale Carnegie
Are you a pharmacist? Because I am a patient and I heard you are patient lovers.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
What type of apartment does a pun live in?
The pun-thouse!
Why doesn’t Sweden export its cattle?
It wants to keep its Stockholm.
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap? It was always on shale.
You have changed my world to polar coordinates. Complex and imaginary things now have a magnitude and direction.
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
Sorry, I can't play hide and seek. Someone like you is simply impossible to find.
Why did the chicken join a band?
Because it already had drumsticks.
When shouldn't you believe a word your cheese is saying? When it's too Gouda to be true.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
What happened to the cat that went to the flea circus? She stole the whole show.
Where do flowers recharge? At a power plant!
Turn to the girl sitting next to you at the bar and say, "I'm not really this tall, I'm sitting on my wallet."
I always have a souper time with you.
What do you call an elderly Spanish man?
A senõr citizen.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort
Are you tired? Because you've been running through my mind all day with a frisbee in your mouth.
I'm like acetaminophen. I'll make sure all your pains go away when we're together.
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
The goal nine yards
What is a skeleton’s favorite TV show?
Bone-anza!
A new car has been launched especially for American cowboys
The Audi Partner.
I can tell what a woman drinks just by looking at her, and for you it's a diet coke.
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
Q. What haapens if a gorilla sits on your piano?
A. You get a flat note.
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
What’s an elephant’s favorite sport?
Squash.
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position!
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
Hey would you believe me if I said I was bitten by a crocodile?
What do beavers like to put on their salads?
Branch dressing.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball.
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
Your fragrance lights up my life.
My neighbor came over to say,
Although not in a neighborly way,
That he'd knock me around,
If I didn't stop the sound,
Of the classical music I play.
I thought about studying the astronomy for my university. But then I thought, I would just be taking up space.
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: "Now that’s an order of magnitude!"
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
Wanna see my norwegian wood?
Go to BabaMail
