What did the astronaut cook for lunch? An unidentifiable frying object.
Why are artists so temperamental? They have to get into the right frame of mind.
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
I met her in chat, she was neat,
her photo was pretty, petite.
we met for a meal,
I saw her for real,
I screamed and then ran down the street!
Just bought my wife a refrigerator, for our Anniversary:
Cannot wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
Help, me I am trapped
In a haiku factory
save me, before they
“To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.”
- Gustave Flaubert
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
“Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is the bicycle repair kit.”- Billy Connolly
99.9% of people are idiots.
Fortunately, I belong to the 1%.
"A Taurus always appears to be calm and steady, even when they feel like punching you in the face."
— Unknown
“I really regret going to a Yoga class today… said no one ever.” — Unknown
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
I’m like a solar panel absorbing your radiant sunshine energy.
“Pizza is like the entire food pyramid!”
― Madeline Oles
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
A mother mountain says to her moody teenage mountain “don’t you give me that altitude!!”
Know what? I dig you, really!
My Buddhist friend just gave me a “Nirvana” scented perfume.
It smells like Teen Spirit.
Man: "Hey, baby, if you come home with me, I can show you a really good time."
Woman: "You know what your problem is? Your mouth is writing checks that your body can't cash."
When you look at the sky and see the moon
You're looking at a subtle light
There was an Old Man of Cape Horn,
Who wished he had never been born;
So he sat on a chair,
Till he died of despair,
That dolorous Man of Cape Horn.
Why do bee keepers have beautiful eyes?
Because they hold bees. (Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder)
Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa exactly what I want for Christmas?
How does a turtle feel after being electrocuted?
Shell-shocked.
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangaroo? A stripy jumper!
Why did Paco's girlfriend not want to kiss him?
She was afraid of the a-Paco-lips.
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
How do astronauts eat their ice cream? In floats!
How is ice cream as a girlfriend?
The sweetest.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ears
Ears who?
Ears another knock knock jokes for you!
Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see!"
What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone.
277 lbs here on Earth is 105 lbs on Mercury. No, I’m not fat. I’m just on the wrong planet.
“Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.”
- William Galvin.
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
Why did the computer break up with the internet? There was no "Connection".
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
Because he had a bone to pick.
I’m a 30-60-90 triangle and you’re a 40-40-90 triangle – we’re just right for each other.
Whenever you and me get together, it's like superposition of 2 waves in phase.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
I over boiled some venison broth earlier.
It was deerly mist.
Yally Bally had a jolly golliwog. Feeling folly, Yally Bally Bought his jolly golli' a dollie made of holly! The golli', feeling jolly, named the holly dollie, Polly. So Yally Bally's jolly golli's holly dollie Polly's also jolly!
What do you call a glove combined with a snake?
Smitten.
What’s the difference between a dog and a gator?
A dog’s bark is worse than its bite.
Never laugh at your spouse’s choice… You’re one of them.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
Which front-office type is the most promiscuous? The general ménageur.
Go to BabaMail
