Old Software Engineers Never Die...
They just reboot.
Go with me and you'll be (Mg,Fe)7Si8O22(OH)2.
"Most people work just hard enough to not get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit." ~ George Carline
Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
“If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one." ~George Gobel
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
I was so amazed by your beauty that I had to run to the wall over there. So, I need to get your number and name to claim my insurance.
There’s a rumor going ‘round it’s my birthday today;
they say that I’m seventy years old..…no way.
too many candles to light,
it would take into the night.
When did I suddenly turn old and grey.
Some say I’m an old man and not too smart,
but I say don’t put the horse behind the cart;
‘cause age is just a number
not something to encumber,
and this old man is still young at heart.
“Money doesn’t solve all problems but it could solve my money problem.” – Anonymous
Why didn’t Guns N Roses turn up for the gig when it was snowing?
Axel Froze.
If I had a garden I’d put your tulips and my tulips together
Boy: (Mimicking the sound of an ambulance) Girl: Why are you doing that? Boy: It’s the ambulance. The paramedics are coming to pick me up after I saw you, my heart just stopped.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance? The bunny hop.
What did the commedian say after after a bad set?
That crowd was laughtose intolerant.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
Baby you got the perfect route for me.
I can die happily now because I have just seen a piece of heaven.
The mossbacks could not connect with the new developments, so the bill was hot
down at the senate.
Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica? It's dread-full.
What do you call a cow that has 2 legs? Side of beef
There's something wrong with my phone. It doesn't have your number in it.
Did you hear that the diet clinic was doing great business? They say that it’d really take your breadth away.
How did Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon.
What's the only tea an Englishman can't stand?
Humidity.
What do you give a man with everything? Penicillin.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
“Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you’ll be a mile from them, and you’ll have their shoes.”
- Jack Handey
Are you the one who signed up for the pee club?
Because if so, urine.
In a romantic date, Romeo says to Juliette “Baby! You are the pineapple of my eyes!”
“It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.” —Phyllis Diller
How do little avocados get what they want?
They spread it on thick.
What do chickens study in school?
Eggonomics.
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”—Sam Levenson
Dad, are we pyromaniacs?
Yes, we arson.
Giraffe: The highest form of animal life.
The last one to the top of the mountain has to buy dinner.
Coming to theaters: the thrilling tale of a man who ate biographical books instead of turkey on Thanksgiving.
Baste on a true story.
After hearing about my history major, my dad said, “You should go visit Italy in late August.Then you can witness The Fall of Rome."
How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb?
FORE!
Sorry to interrupt with a bad pick up line, but if you were a vegetable, you'd be a cute-cumber.
What is in the middle of dinosaurs ? The letter "s"!
Black and white
Thick and furry
Fast as the wind
Always in a hurry
Couple of spots
Rub my ears
Always comes when his name he hears
Loves his ball; it's his favorite thing
What's most fun for him? Everything!
Great big tongue that licks my face
Has a crate, his very own space
Big brown eyes like moon pies
He's my friend till the very end!
(Abby Jenkins)
What do you call a fish with no eye?
FSH!
What does a French beaver call his dam? Ma'dame.
Trying to teach my dad how to put WiFi on his tablet
Me: You just have to go to settings!
Dad: This is just making me upsettings!
On the spot no hesitation! Gotta love him!
Why was the slice of bread upset with her husband?
He told her she was being too kneady.
What do you get when you play country music backward?
You get your wife back, your dog back, and your job back.
What did one water bottle ask the other water bottle?
Water you doing today?
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
Go to BabaMail
