Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
It’s so hot ice pops are melting in the freezer.
Do you have a tan, or do you always look this hot?
I aorta tell you how much I love you.
A berry funny strawberry candy is called a Laffy taffy.
A weed is a plant that is not only in the wrong place but intends to stay.”
— Sara Stein
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
"If you want to pass this point alive, you must answer my riddle: What goes on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon and on three legs in the evening?" the Sphinx asked.
Oedipus pondered for a moment, "Probably one of those new Pokemones," he finally replied. "There is like 600 of them.
"Fair enough man," spoke the Sphinx. "I can't reasonably expect you to remember all their names. You may pass."
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
The mother helped her child bake bread because it was a labor of loaf. True enough.
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
All the men in my family are bald, and all the women are hunchbacked – and they don’t know we’re bald.
Mark Roberts
What do you call a hairy monster that lives by a dam?
A weir-wolf.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
I'm out bird watching with Sinead O'Connor....
so far it´s been 7 owls and 15 jays.
I’m so adjective, I verb noun.
did you hear the one about the sheep in car wreck?
it was baaad.
What’s so great about whiteboards?
If you think about it, they’re pretty re-markable!
Trumpester: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so.
Did you hear the story of the little ghoul that grew up?
It became a headhunter!
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
What did one skeleton say to the other skeleton?
- You’re dead to me.
Tried acting in a theatre full of farmers. Got mooed off stage.
I slapped my violin out of anger, then I got arrested for domestic violins.
“You don’t have to be crazy to be my friend. I’ll train you.”
— Unknown
We aren't even in hot yoga, but you have me sweating.
I work at an Ink company in Spain. Yesterday I held a Competition about our company’s history. But looks like no one wanted to be a part of the
Spanish Ink Quiz Session.
"Run like you stole something."
Unknown
What’s a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai.
What happened when an icicle landed on the skier's head?
It knocked him out cold!
How are a volleyball player and a carpenter similar? They both love to hammer spikes.
When you cross a camel with a cow, you will end up with a lumpy milkshake.
What is a flamingo's favorite thing to do at the weekend? Play fla-bingo.
If I was your heart would you let me beat?
Hello, allow me to hi-Jack this conversation
Q: What does the tiger use to brush his mane?
A: A catacomb.
Roses are red,
Facebook is blue.
No mutual friends,
Who in the world are you?
Why was the penguin so annoying?
Because he was always fishing for complements.
"Hi, I'm Buzz Aldrin. Second person to step on the moon.
Neil before me."
What did the gold say to the pyrite?
You’re a fool and a fake!
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and people who love you. And I don't love chocolate.
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
Can I have your number so I can call when I need a ride to your heart?
Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea.
My buddy was cast in Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs, but he was still angry because he wasn't Happy.
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