What do you call a person that chops up cereal. a cereal killer.
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
How do billboards talk?
Sign language.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no-body to go with.
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
What do bulls do when they go shopping? They CHARGE!
Q: What did the tooth say to the dentist as she was leaving?
A: Fill me in when you get back
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
How does a suit put his child into bed?
He tux him in.
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
How many books can you put in an empty backpack? One! After that its not empty!
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
Which is the longest word in the dictionary? "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
What do you call a baby monkey? A Chimp off the old block.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
Q: Doctor, I keep hearing a ringing sound.
A: Then answer the phone!
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
How do you repair a broken tomato? Tomato Paste!
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
What do you get when you plant kisses? Tu-lips (two-lips)
What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman.
How did the farmer mend his pants? With cabbage patches!
Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.
What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand?
My hand.
Where do cows go on December 31st?
A moo year’s eve party.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean? Because they dropped out of school!
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
What belongs to you but others use more? Your name
Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? Because it runs through your jeans. What would you do if I stole a kiss? Call the Police
What do you do if someone rolls their eyes at you?
Roll them back.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
Why are pirates called pirates? Cause they arrrrr.
Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized? Reports say it was due to too many strokes.
What do you call a window that raps? 2PANEZ
Why did the giraffe get bad grades? He had his head in the clouds.
Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? The police are calling it an axe-i-dent.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
What do you call a three-footed aardvark? a yardvark!
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