Why can't you take a nap during a race? Because if you snooze, you loose!
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
Q: Where does a boat go when it's sick?
A: To the dock!
What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
What do you call a ghosts mom and dad? Transparents
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant
What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey!
What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea.
What do you call a person that chops up cereal. a cereal killer.
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed!
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer!
What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer? The Space bar!
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school? Because they're all in High School!
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories.
How did the farmer mend his pants? With cabbage patches!
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"Yea but that would make no sense." replied the dog.
Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
Knock knock…
Who’s there?
Voodoo.
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are?
What’s a good name for a detective?
Mr. E
Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Annie
Annie Who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
Which is the longest word in the dictionary? "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
Why didn’t the lamp sink?
It was too light.
What's the first bet that most people make in their lives? the alpha bet
Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory? He couldn't concentrate!
What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? Shadow.
Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves!
Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
Dark, isn’t it?
What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
What did one elevator say to the other elevator? I think I'm coming down with something!
Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
Q: What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
A: I hear the doctor is taking us out tonight!
What has one horn and gives milk?
A milk truck.
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will Let it go.
Why do birds fly south for the winter? Its easier than walking!
Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was quite an oar deal.
What do you call a three-footed aardvark? a yardvark!
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
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