What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls? A. It was a Barbie-
What kind of emotions do noses feel? Nostralgia. Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the "barking" lot!
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
Why are pirates called pirates? Cause they arrrrr.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean? Because they dropped out of school!
What do you call a funny mountain? hill-arious
Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress? They got married in the spring.
A bunch of vampire hunters needed to talk
So they scheduled a stakeholders meeting.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
What do you get when you cross Speedy Gonzales with a country singer? Arriba McEntire.
What's easy to get into but hard to get out of? Trouble
What goes up and down but doesn't move? The temperature!
How does a suit put his child into bed? He tux him in.
Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? They both depend on the batter.
Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.
Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no-body to go with.
Why does a hummingbird hum? It doesn't know the words!
Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?
It could crack up.
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
Why is your foot more special than your other body parts? Because they have their own soul. What is heavy forward but not backward? Ton.
What do you do if someone rolls their eyes at you?
Roll them back.
What garment are you most likely to spot a house in?
Address
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
There are too many ears.
What do you call sad coffee?" Despresso.
Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
Where do cows go on December 31st?
A moo year’s eve party.
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud
What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant
Q: What is a dentist's favorite animal?
A: A molar bear!
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
What the difference between you and a calendar? a calendar has dates.
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
What did the man say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya!
What kind of bird sticks to sweaters? a Vel-Crow.
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