Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
What do you call a horse that can't lose a race? Sherbet
What belongs to you but others use more? Your name
What do bulls do when they go shopping? They CHARGE!
Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef, but you cant pea soup!
What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickleback.
What did one elevator say to the other elevator? I think I'm coming down with something!
What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman.
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
What do you call a pile of kittens a meowntain
What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
Why did the belt go to jail? Because it held up a pair of pants!
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a bogey in it.
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa? A Clausterphobic
What do you get when you cross Speedy Gonzales with a country singer? Arriba McEntire.
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can’t tunafish.
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
Why can't you take a nap during a race? Because if you snooze, you loose!
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
What’s a snake’s strongest subject in school?
Hiss-tory.
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant
Where do snowmen keep their money? In snow banks.
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
Q: What did the tooth say to the dentist as she was leaving?
A: Fill me in when you get back
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
Q: Did you hear the one about the virus?
A: Never mind, I don't want to spread it around.
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather? An offer you can't understand.
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!
What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
What do you call sad coffee?" Despresso.
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
What do you call a window that raps? 2PANEZ
What do you call a bee that lives in America? USB
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
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