The jam bank went bankrupt because of the series of strobberies in the last quarter.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
One more thyme.
You must be a C major scale... All natural.
Why did the horse cross the road?
To get to the apple store.
“Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.”—Eddie Cantor
"I sent the club a wire stating, 'Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.'"
Why did Frankenstein’s monster give up boxing?
Because he didn’t want to spoil his looks.
René Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Would you like a beer?”
Descartes replies, “I think not,” and promptly disappears.
You’re my heartthrob.
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back."
Franklin Jones
“Beat the 5 o’clock rush, leave work at noon.” — Anonymous
Do you have a jersey? Because I need your name and number.
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
My ambition, said old Mr. King,
Is to live as a bird on the wing.
Then he climbed up a steeple,
Which scared all the people,
So they caged him and taught him to sing.
Wanna go back to my igloo and cuddle?
What kind of hunt is a marriage? One where the trapped animal has to buy the license.
What is a mosquitos worst fear?
The S.W.A.T Team.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A porky-pine.
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
Man: "If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together."
Woman: "They got it right the first time with the N and O."
What did one hat say to the other on the hiking trip?
I'll wait here, you go on ahead.
Which fish is the most famous? The starfish.
Have you heard about the guy who stole a truck carrying supplies of disinfectant? Police say he made a clean getaway.
My race time today was much better than yesterday. I was in a whole different gear.
Airplane food is always so terrible, so I always pack my own food. Want one of these chocolate covered strawberries?
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." Charles M. Schulz, creator of Peanuts
Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
It’s so hot I got condensation on my backside from the water in the toilet bowl.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
Dad: “Son, your mother and I are thinking about moving to a square island.”
Son: “Wow really? Can I come too?”
Dad: “Four shore!”
National Herbs and Spices Day is celebrated annually on June 10.
“Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.”
– Samuel Butler
Did you know there was a Jedi from Italy who was really strict about diets?
His name was Only One Cannoli.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
What kind of hats does the skeleton baseball league wear?
Skullcaps.
I don't bite you know - unless it's called for.
What is a gorillas second favourite fruit to eat behind bananas?=
Ape-ricots
I was going to make a joke about losing your senses due to COVID.
But I decided it was poor taste.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
There was once a jolly happy mountain that offered fantastic advice to a grumpy hill. "Change your altitude", he said!
I heard the King of spain caught Covid...
Heard he tested positive while on his plane going somewhere, now he has to quarantine there.
So the Reign in Spain remains solely on the Plane.
Why did the parrot cross the road? Just beak-ause!
What does a door to door flower salesman do?
Petal his wares.
What do you call an ogre in an accident?
A car Shrek.
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